So incase you didn't know, I hate cancer, a lot! Today I went to the oncologist, thinking it would be just a fun social meeting, telling them about random post chemo side effects and talking about the upcoming Chemopalooza slated for August 4th. Well unfortunately, I was wrong. I also need to add that I'm stupid and I went to the onc by myself because, again, I thought everything was fine. So after chatting with Tina with about 15 minutes, Kellie (my onc) came in and in a few minutes we were discussing scans. "They're not perfect." Yep, that's what I was told. My CT was "perfect" but my PET was not, I had a spot that lit up on my chest, and they don't know if it was inflammation or if it was the hodge. My options: wait a month and do another PET scan, or do a biopsy which entails slicing open my neck and sticking a camera down there and then doing a biopsy - which of course means, invasive surgery and ANOTHER scar on me! Their suggestion was just to do the PET in a month and hope it's just inflammation, but if I can't wait that long, we could find out exactly what it is with a biopsy. So hypothetically, if I do have the hodge in my chest, then we will most likely do radiation since we didn't do it after chemo - it's like my "salvage treatment" or something like that. In other words, I'm not going to go back to work until I know :( The worst thing that could happen would be to finally get approved for long term disability, go back to work thinking cancer is gone, finding out it isn't, and not being able to go back on disability. So, now starts the waiting game, ugh. And so, long story short, I'm crying in the office and wore my sunglasses on the way out and got weird looks from everyone. The next thing that crossed my mind, should I cancel Chemopalooza? Afterall, it's supposed to be a celebration of the end of cancer, not waiting to find out if I still have it.
On a brighter note, I came home to my parents house today and got a package from Veronica and Wullie that cheered me up a bit -- the package included some fun candy, a picture of their dog drawn by one of their kiddies - and the dog's name is KELLY!!, a Celtics "football" shirt aka soccer shirt, that's fun and green and it says Kelly on the back :), oh yeah, some fancy scotch nips, a cute bag that says Scotland all over it, some canned lamb (sad lamb!!), I think that's it, but it was fabulous and just what I needed today, thanks guys!!
That's all I got right now. I might go have my first beer in 7 months now, I think I earned it.
PS the wedding with PET scan guy is totally off, if he can't give me good scans we're totally breaking up!