Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff

So one thing I’ve learned about fighting for my life due to cancer is not to sweat the small stuff, not to dwell on the bad things in life and instead only focus on what is good in my life. I clearly had to grow up very fast when my world was falling apart and I was - and will be everyday - fighting for my life. Everyday people find out they have cancer, or that their cancer is back. Cancer does tremendous things to people, some people unfortunately don’t always win their fight with it – my dear friend Morgan passed away this year after a several year battle with it, she was only 22 with a full life ahead of her. Some people learn their inner strength and what really matters to them.

When things like this happen in your life, it just seems silly to sweat the small stuff, doesn’t it? Some people were offended by a post of mine from a month ago, because I expressed my feelings about a situation that happened at work – but my blog is therapeutic to me (read this article from CNN this week), and although I do understand that the internet is a public forum, my blog is about my personal life and is only intended to be read by my cancer community, close friends, and family. I understand that people may come and go as they please, but I think people should understand that if you’re just dropping by to mock my situations, it’s unacceptable. Until they have actually physically been thru life changing experiences as I have, the small things in life just don’t matter – I don’t care about your roommate drama, or who’s dating who, I’m just taking care of business in my life. I have a job that I love, I have great friends and family – this blog is to share my life experiences with my cancer community, I know that it’s already helped dozens of people with questions, concerns, and needs for support and I’ve actually gotten several thank you notes for being so candid.

I don’t intend to change the integrity and focus of my blog, it’s personal and I understand it – but I think you should think wisely (as I do) about what you say about people’s personal thoughts. I have since taken down my post that has caused such an uproar, although what I said was how I was feeling at that time. But my intention isn’t to offend anyone else, so I have taken it down for that reason. I will be there for any of my friends that ever need me in the drop of a dime, and they know that – it’s the people with the insincere intentions that upset me.

XO

One Year Ago Today

Soooo one year ago today I was celebrating my good news that I was officially clean of the hodge. This was still during chemo with 3 more treatments left, and Pat's birthday was the day before, so we went out to celebrate both. I was also given permission to drink champagne!!! AND I found a $5 bill in the parking lot of the restaurant - which Pat made me buy a $5 lottery ticket and I lost, and complained the whole night, until he left me a $5 bill the next morning so I would shut up! :) Ha ha! You can read about it here. Kinda a fun day to remember... I'm not popping the champagne today though, I'm waiting until June 14th, which was my last chemo day. And although I was technically not clean until October of 2007. What a weird year. But yes, today was my first romance with being clean of the hodge, yay!

Sooo I've gotten a few emails and requests for updates on my date with date guy on Sunday. It was fun and delicious! We actually had the section of the restaurant we were in to ourselves until about half-way thru dinner, which was kinda cool. He actually copied me and tried my favorite chicken parm, it was delicious. I sooo love that place. He also paid which is always fun, annnnd gave me his leftovers! I also learned some more about him at dinner which is kinda cool. Things are going well. I'm not jumping to change them either way anytime soon. I kinda just like dating. He now knows of my blog, but he still hasn't looked, and he knows I call him date guy, ha ha! I'm an asshole.

I'm going to a Red Sox game with Pat on Saturday which was actually my Christmas present, but it's also his birthday weekend, so he lucked out. We're going to have a day of fun too! Should be a good time and probably a very long day. It's only supposed to be so-so weather, so cross your fingers that the weather is super awesome so I don't melt or freeze to death :)

As for the latest and greatest for the Anti Hodge Bonanza, I'm pissed at the Boston Duck Tour people. They first weren't responsive at all about the donation, then they kept saying that I represent an organization, which I clearly don't and made sure to explain the situation and free press I would help get them with the Boston Globe, but you know what, fuck 'em! It's too much work to deal with a bunch of morons, so looks like we're going to have to pay full price. I have to look on their website and see if there is a group discount, but I'm not a huge fan of coordinating this all.

Eh, that's about it lately. I'm excited the week is almost over, I'm suuuuper exhausted this week. I need to just catch up on sleep and be lame and do laundry and umm actually put it away. I think I have a date with my bed nice and early tonight.

I hope you're all doing well, that's my story!

XO!

Kareoke, High School Fun, and Dates!

Wow. I just read a bunch of old posts, it's been a crazy year! I saw some people from high school last night, I hadn't seen some since pre-chemo and some since Chemopalooza2, so it was weird and a little bit of a blast from the past. I felt awesome and looked pretty awesome in the grand sceme of things. It's weird to have such major changes in my life in the past 2 or so years. It's scary to think that I felt so amazing when I was diagnosed with the Hodge, and it creeps me out to think this cancer can just secretly grow inside you without you knowing it's there. I'm starting to think about my June scans, I believe they're June 9th or so. I know it's far away, but you know, I start to feel around my body and think "What's that?! Is that more cancer?! Fuuuck!" I had a headache last night, and other than the Hodge, I've never been a headache person, and then I starting thinking, "Oh crap, maybe I have brain hodge!" yeah I need to calm it down. All-in-all, I'm mostly doing good with post-hodge life, but here and there it creeps up.

I'm getting in the swing of things at work lately, I feel like I'm doing good. It's funny when I came back, I was so scared of being promoted to the level above me, and kept saying I don't care about being promoted, I can be my level for a few years, I'm still learning. But lately, I think, man, I'm actually mostly doing the work of that level, and I'm not scared! Sometimes, I do get pigeon holed to act a level almost lower than I am which is weird, but I'm trying to roll with it. Because of the hodge, I've actually never gotten a 90-day review or year review, which I really should have requested the 90-day earlier since I've been back since November. But, I'm assuming it'll be soon, I hope so. I need to find out what to do to get to the next step, make some more money, and accel. My PR confidence is slowly coming back, and it's good. One of my VP's said that my security account team will probably get teamwork of the month next month - which is pretty awesome. My work gives people awards for trade, digital , broadcast and business hits of the month, and teamwork of the month -- and I've never gotten one because I've had a combo of previously shitty accounts and the hodge. I'm really antsy about getting one, I need some sort of reinforcement that I'm actually doing a good job and it's not in my head. Unfortunately, these nominations are half political, so I understand that it does take a bit longer to get something, but cross your fingers. I'm expecting broadcast hit of the month, hopefully I get it.

I'm rambling a lot today, sorry. Let's see, what else is just plain ol' new in my life. I got to do some kareoke on Friday, which was pretty amazing. Me, Jeff and Mandy went to what we call Lesbo Town (no offense to my gay pals!), it's this shithole bar in Lowell, MA where our friend Steve was throwing a little bonanza because he's moving to one of the Carolina's I forget which one. We call it Lesbo Town because there are tons of lesbians there, and I'm pretty sure I got hit on too! Me, Jeff and Steve sang I Believe in a Thing Called Love by The Darkness, which I've decided is one of the best kareoke songs for someone with a high-pitched voice like myself that doesn't try and get all American Idol and try to be an awesome singer, I prefer to make a giant ass out of myself :) I tried to embed the music video from YouTube, but I always have trouble copying the embed text, does anyone have any suggestions or tips for me - Rosanne ? Wullie? So if you want to see the video click here.

Last night was supposed to be my Boston/Artu adventure, but it got canceled last minute. I hung out with Pat, Janielle, and other high school peeps instead. It was good, I think I actually needed that, old school style. I got to see my prom date from 11th grade, Derek, I should really try to find a picture from prom, we looked hot, ha ha.

Today is my date day with date guy. He was supposed to plan a date for me, but he lucked out since I still want to go to Artu, so he got an easy date to plan. He offered to make me dinner, but I really didn't want to chance it that he might fall asleep on my couch again and leave me to order pizza instead :) He brought me some silly magnets from Ohio this week, including a magnet postcard, ha ha. Oh and he brought me a big beer mug from a restaurant there.

So yeah, that's my latest and greatest. I should go get dressed and get ready for my day.

Hope you're all doing fabulous.

XO!

How Cute!

Sooo I was just talking to date guy, and I've sorta been on the fence with him, I guess it's the whole weekends only thing. But anywho, I was telling him that I'm planning a fun night on Saturday with my cousin Anne Marie, we're going to stay in the city and go out to my favorite restaurant, Artu, and drink lots of pineapple vodka, yada yada :) And then he told me that he was actually planning on surprising me next Sunday and taking me, reservations and all! He said he was going to ask me if he could come over to do laundry at my apt, and then bam, wisk me away to my favorite restaurant! How cute, my face is still all blushy! :) We're not going to go to Artu on Sunday since I've already planned to go on Saturday, but we're going on a date on Sunday, hopefully I'm not super hung over :)

Just wanted to share my cute story.

XO

I Love Nice Weather!

I'm slacking on posting. I suck. Whoops :) I feel like not a lot is new. This week really dragged and I'm really glad it's a long weekend! I got a super awesome broadcast hit for one of my clients - best part about it is they don't even know I'm actually on the account! Suckas! I can't post it online, but if you wanna see it, email me and I'll send you it.

Hmm what else. It's been really nice weather this week. I've had my windows in my apartment open for about 4 days. It makes for really good sleeping. I also put new, clean sheets on my bed last night, love it!

I had a date with date guy on Friday, but unfortunately it wasn't that date-like. He actually fell asleep on my couch when he got here! Poor lamb, traveling all week. Note to self: never have dates on Fridays! My couch is super comfy and I actually fall asleep on it a lot lately too. I was just bummed because it was so nice out and we were inside -- well he was sleeping too! ha ha! He eventually woke up like an hour later and we watched Juno then I was ready for bed! As Veronica said, he's acting like we're kinda married, and umm I would rather lots of fun dates! So we will see. I still think he's pretty hilllarious and he gets me, so he's got a couple pluses on his side. However, I don't know if I'm ready to officially date someone that is only around during the weekend. Time will tell I guess. I'm trying not to get ahead of myself and just roll with it, it's more fun that way.


Yesterday I went and bought some sweet batting gloves for my batting cage excursions. My hands get all stingy without them, so it was a good purchase! Then I went to the batting cages and hit the shit out of everything. It was pretty awesome! :) I also went shoe shopping since HR told me we're not allowed to wear the flip flops that I love! So I'm on a mission to find dressy flip flops, but thus far haven't found any. I will though damnit! I think I actually might go today and look some more.

So yeah, that's about it with me. I was thinking about going to Block Island this weekend, but would have gone yesterday, then I realized that I wouldn't make the last boat... so I'm putting it off until another weekend. Besides, the weather is supposed to be nicer here than there anyways -- even though it's probably prettier there. Oh well! I'm sure my parents are enjoying a son-free weekend that they've definitely earned.

I'll try to post more soon, if there's anything exciting to post.

XO!

Weekend Update

This was a busy weekend, and I'm bummed that it's almost over and I feel like I still had a ton of stuff I wanted to do that I won't accomplish. Meh. Like I said, I did a lot though. I went out for drinks after work on Friday because a couple folks were leaving the agency, and I like free drinks :) After that I came back here for like 10 minutes and the left to go to Janielle's birthday bonanza.... go home, passed out, woke up nice and early Saturday morning (that's what happens when you only have 3 beers all nice) did some cleaning, then did some errands, bought my friend Kaileen some flowers to bring to her party, the day was amazing too -- it was about 70 degrees and bright and sunny! Then I met up with date dude, aka Matt... but I prefer to call him date dude ha ha, we went to the batting cages which was lots of fun... then we went to the Wrentham Outlets -- which I never go to because it's like 45 minutes away from me and can be a giant pain in the ass... but since he wanted to go and was driving, I said finnnne. We were planning on going real quick to return something... then we ended up staying there for like 4 or 5 hours.... and just kept looking for random bargains... he's actually a lil like a girl so he actually bought way more stuff than I did. I even made him go into this shampoo store, ya know, so I could get my fix and make sure there aren't any bargains I needed.. and I didn't purchase any shampoo, but guess what... he did!!! He also let me pick out new cologne for him, it was pretty exciting! I did actually make out pretty good at the Banana Republic outlet, I got like 5 shirts, and they're all almost the same but different colors, sooo don't be surprised if I wear one each day of the week like a loser. :) I also got some new sneakers at the Puma store.

Soooo anywho, all that planning and flower purchasing for Kaileen's party, and I didn't get home until like 10. Matt was going to come with me, but by the time we drove to the train, then took it to the stop closest to her, then cabbed it to her apt we would have only had like an hour to stay there because we would miss the train back... soooooo basically, it didn't happen and I'm a bad friend, sorry Kaileen! I was sooo exhausted and cranky by then so it woulda been a lot more work. Next time I'll be there.

Today was kinda a gloomy day. I did the usual laundry and cleaning stuff.... I even went out and got a manicure too. Nothing super exciting... but I've got to fold all my laundry and put it away, and that's the annoying part lately.

Anywho... that's my latest and greatest update. I got a new account at work the other day, so hopefully I'll be a little more busy soon. It goes in waves, which is good in the grand scheme, but if I'm slow and working full-time, the day just drags on forever.

Oh did I mention how much money I owe for my taxes?? Brace yourself... it's about three thousand dollars, yep that's a TON of money! I've been stressing about it for months, but now that it's happened, I'm like eh what can I do about it! I'm just throwing what I owe on a credit card and pretending it didn't happen. I can't let it upset me forever, it is what it is...

Anywho, I'm officially done. Hope you had a fab weekend.
XO

I Love You Like Batting Cages and Nice Weather

XO

Cancer Hair No More!!!!!!!!!!

I got a haircut last night, and I'm pretty sure we've actually matched up all my regrowth to be funky layers instead! Yaaaaay! I haven't washed it myself yet, but hopefully tomorrow it will come out the same way! Much easier though, and I can have it straight if I want again! Yaaay!

I'm getting ready to go meet some of my work pals for a birthday bonanza celebration, so I thought I would take pictures to share my snazzy hair... maybe I should update my match.com picture while I'm at it... ha ha

Enjoy!

XO!

Bowling!?

It's Thursday, so I'm due for a post. It's been a busy week, especially as my first week being full time. I even worked late tonight until 6ish, which isn't really against the norm, but felt weird since I was still going strong since waking up at 7am. Today was one of my work pals birthdays, so I thought I might as well step it up and act as I would like people to do for me. So on the way into work I stopped and picked up a cute lil birthday cake and card for her, then we ordered takeout for lunch since she couldn't leave today. It was good times! And who doesn't like cake!? Ha!


Oh and last night we had a work bowling event. It was good, but I haven't bowled since cancer times, and I don't heart big ball bowling since I'm weak AND the balls make my fingers hurt... whatevs. But it was a good fun time for everyone. Here I stole this picture from work, shh don't tell :) I'm way in the back with the green ball, but you can't really see my face because I'm short, whoops! PS I also chose the heaviest ball just because it was green.. ooops. So this weekend I'm getting my taxes done. And umm.... I still haven't put together my tax information yet. I'm sooo not interested in doing it. I hate taxes, especially cancer ones that will fuuuuck me over! I should do them tonight, since I'm running out of time. Ugh.

I'm also getting my hair done tomorrow night, still trying to catch it up! And I'm also going out with Mandy, Jeff and Steve after my hair fun! Then I'll be driving home to meet with my tax dude, do a few lil errands, and then head back here to go out with a few girls from work to celebrate their birthdays.... unless I'm too pooped, then I'll just stay home. Ha ha!

So yeah, all in all, that's my week. I am excited about one thing about my work commute which can be BRUTAL! I finally learned some back roads and got to work today in about 20 minutes - which probably would have taken 45 if I took the highway! So that means I won't have to leave as early as I used to when I was originally working full time. So always a silver lining.

Oh and I got some good coverage for my client again this week... I'm getting good at being an ambulance chaser on the security news :) Yay!

Hope you're all doing fab!
XO

Date Update: Date #2

So I had another date last night with match.com date guy #2, aka the cancer center dude. It was fun and I laughed a ton! He decided it was make fun of cancer patients (aka me) night from 10-12 last night, but it was hilllarious. We saw the movie 21 which was pretty good, but it was LONNNG and I started getting antsy at the end. It started at 7:30 and we didn't leave until a little before 10, too long for meeee! Then I took him to a little Italian place near the spa I usually go to. It was pretty good, we were totally keeping them open though, they turned off the open sign when our food came, ha ha. Oh well!

The best part of my date was that I had given him a project since he travels for work most of the week and stays in hotels... soooo I explained my shampoo problem and told him he needed to steal me fun stuff from the hotel, like shampoo and lotion, (even though I really don't like hotel shampoo, duh) and I even requested a postcard from New Jersey, which unfortunately was not found. BUT he did show up with a bag of hotel goods, and he even went to the Hotel Marlowe in Boston where some of his coworkers were staying and took their stuff too! Kinda like showing up with flowers, right?? ha ha

So the date wasn't awful, we'll probably hang out again, not sure when though. That's my story.

XO