5 Years Is Like Being Crowned Miss America
and then giving the hodge the finger!
Wow. What a difference 5 years makes. Today marks my 5 year chemo-versary, and Flag Day for any of those of you looking at the calendar. Yes, 5 years ago, on June 14, 2007 I finished 6 months of ABVD and officially called cancer my BITCH! This is the only real day I get to celebrate, because I unfortunately never had an official remission date. But hell yeah, I'll take 5 years under my belt.
Just writing this, it feels like it was yesterday I was bringing in cupcakes and celebrating with my nurses the joyus occassion of putting the chemo battle behind me. I actually had to look at my blog to remember if it was 4 or 5 years ago that I finished... because to me, it was yesterday!
Thankfully, I'm happy to report that I am no longer a frequent lurker of the Hodge message boards, nor do I spend the majority of my day reading cancer blogs - or even posting on mine. I think of it as more like 4 times a year for Chemopalooza and I'm a-okay with that!
Just think about it, 5 years ago I coined the term "Chemopalooza" and before I made my website purchase, I scoured the web and found only 1 weird reference to do with a football team. Now, go give it a whirl, you'll find 160+ results. Yes, some are my blog, but I'm happy to report just on the first results page, I found someone throwing themselves a pre-chemopalooza party! Who's a trendsetter? This girl!
Anywho, thank you to everyone who was there for me during my battle. I think and reflect on those that didn't make it as far as me, and think of them often.
Thank you for checkin' in on me and rooting for me to still be alive and kickin'!
Wow. It's been six months since my last post. I'm beyond overdue, yet not really at all. I mean, let's face it, if cancer reared it's ugly head again, there would be bountiful updates... but since it hasn't, it's really a good thing that I haven't posted.
This December actually marks 5 years since diagnosis. It's funny how some people remember and even celebrate certain dates. Some celebrate remission, some celebrate the last day of their chemo hell, some reflect on their diagnosis day... and of course, some are still battling the beast. For me, there was really never a calendar day that I remembered being told I was in remission. Finding out I had cancer and finishing chemo were two milestones -- err um something. They are two specific dates that don't seem to leave my brain. As I'm typing this up, I'm realizing I'm two days away from my five year diagnosis. It's weird how similar my life is to five years ago. Like eerily similar. I'm back working at a PR firm, doing the hussle bussle thing. Keeping suuuuper busy in my personal life too... happy as can be... I'm almost waiting for the other shoe to drop. But I it won't and can't. I'm hauling ass to June 14 2012, the official 5 year mark... or at least what I'm going to focus on and strive for. Perhaps I should start planning a party or a trip or something for it. Yes, I think something is in order.
It's sad, I'm slowly losing touch with my hodge friends. I mean, it's to be expected. But it's so sad how life gets in the way of keeping touch and remembering cancer. I still think about it daily. It shapes who I am. I wonder when that daily will be weekly, then monthly and then... I've come a long way from being bedridden and miserable and staying at my parents house because I didn't even want to leave to grocery shop. My hair is curlier, but still pretty close to its normal orignial state. My hodge homeys will always be part of me, just a more distant part from time to time.
Well this blog didn't go as deep as I planned. I have a little writers block or something... still it was a necessary update and slightly cathartic as always :)
Last night, I was out with some friends. Someone asked me how the hodge was treating me -- or in my case, not fucking with me ;) And all of a sudden, I pulled out my cell phone and looked at the calendar... a couple days from June 14. What's June 14th? Well, it's Flag Day, my friends. What else is it? It's the day I like to celebrate beating cancer since it was my last chemo treatment, ever.
This will be the fourth year. I finished treatment back in 2007. It seems as the years get further away, I almost forget dates of things. Yet, I still think of the hodge, and how I've changed since then. Usually daily I remember something about that dark time in my life, and think, what a huge feat, and I did it. I won.
Yet, four years later, I often wonder.... should I have dramatically changed my life? Afterall, some people I know weren't so lucky.
I didn't change much about myself from a physical stand point. In fact, I actually put on a few, taunting, post-chemo pounds. But I didn't pick up and travel the world. In fact, I'm still trying to dig out of chemo debt and haven't been able to afford much of a different lifestyle.
I'd like to think from an internal perspective, I've changed. I have a different view of life that I didn't have before. My fearlessness has dwindled a bit, however. My humbleness and compassion has grown. I don't know if that's a win-win or not.
I recently started reading this book, and the writer talked about how she was happy with her life, but always wondered, is this it? Or is there more to my life other than the monotonous of everyday. I often wonder those same things every day. Am I just here to be the person I am today, or do I have some bigger purpose that I haven't realized yet? I think it's kind of like the childhood thoughts of there being one person, a soul mate, waiting in the world for you, and your goal is to find them. Yes, I secretly think like that, but haven't found said person in my 28 years. Is there some special purpose I was put on this earth for? Or just monotony? Of course, I'm still figuring things out.
Anywho, think of me on Tuesday and don your anti-chemo flags, folks.
Let's face it, cancer is expensive and being out of work while battling it is even more expensive.
I recently met a friend of a friend that is battling the dreaded hodge. A few years back I gathered financial assistance details only to find out now that some of the info is out of date now. If you know of a helpful resource page, please let me know, of just leave comments of good financial assistance resources :)
My buddy Ry Ry has become quite the photog over the past couple years since we both beat The Hodge (aka Hodgkin's Lymphoma). In whatever he does, he always shares proceeds with a great charity. This year he came out with a calendar of Boudoir Pinups and all proceeds go to one of my favorite charities - the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society!
It's been nearly a decade... or at least a few months. We all knew this would happen eventually, yes, we're growing apart and starting to have different interests and meet different people. I don't have cancer anymore. I haven't for more than 3 years. And that, to me, is awesome. I do find myself thinking about it less, but still almost daily because it really has shaped me into the lovely person that I am today. It's cliche, and yes, I totally understand this, but it's true.
I do actually have a cancer topic to blog about surprisingly. It's even a slightly pre-meditated post, and usually I just kind of type until things come out and voila that's the usual way I write. Anywho, today I'm finally getting around to writing about a conversation I had with a good friend of mine regarding the thing that this blog was based on - Chemopalooza.
Did you know that I did some extensive Googling before starting this blog, and no one had used the term before -- now look online, you can buy shirts saying it! My buddy Ry Ry actually was the first to create a shirt for me with it - and then some other Websites copied my idea. I guess imitation is a form of flattery, right?
Well anyways, back to my conversation with my friend Jeff. He was telling me that on separate occasions he had mentioned Pre-Chemopalooza (the original party) to two of his friends - one I have met a few times, and one I have yet to meet. Well the latter was impressed by my strength and humor and though the idea of throwing a party, a last hoorah if you will, before my life substantially changed.
The other thought it was offensive that I tried to live it up before I endured chemo. Almost like I was supposed to sit in my bed, perhaps shopping online for my future headstone and writing my eulogy incase I didn't win the battle. I guess he was almost offended by the whole idea.
I understand both sides - I obviously lean much further toward the first understanding. I honestly think it was the best party I've ever thrown, and the fact that it was in my honor, during a time when I could barely sleep and needed to keep busy for fear that I might have a breakdown worrying about the unknown. It was perfect. It filled so many voids for me, the fact of gathering so many friends together to laugh, be stupid, and enjoy pre-cancer I mean chemo me. I already had cancer, duh that's what got me into the party planning business. Ha.
But the guy that thought chemopalooza was wrong - thought like I was mocking cancer. He just missed one thing - I was the one owning the cancer. And well, let's face it, if you are going to be a bully - you might as well be a bully to something life-threatening - and more importantly hair-threatening. I was mocking the cancer, I was hoping it would go back to where it came from, I was hoping it would just realize it was in the wrong body, the wrong lymph nodes and fuck off while I laughed and sipped cheap champagne.
Really, I don't have much to say about this, other than how amusing it was to hear two reactions to my cancer story. Maybe amusing is the wrong work - perhaps thought provoking is a better way to sum up my thoughts. I don't really feel like I"m back to old me -- but I guess old me died a little with the hodge. I looked at a picture today of Pre-Chemopalooza and I look different. Now I just feel a bit more weathered. A bit more scarred. Literally and figuratively.
I'll leave you with this picture from Chemopalooza. You should also listen to this song because I was listening to it on repeat the whole time I typed this up and I love it. I couldn't find it online or I would have added it to my playlist.
I had my latest PET scan yesterday and oncologist appointment today. I found out that I'm still HODGE FREE!! Now the even better news -- I don't have to do a PET scan for my next 6 month visit, just blood work. Then once that is all good and fine, I'm on the year check up plan!!
Michael C. Hall, otherwise known as Dexter, has recently announced that he is battling the dreaded Hodge. He accepted his Golden Globe last night making his first appearance since announcing his diagnosis. He's looking pretty similar to how I looked 3 summers ago. I always loved him on Six Feet Under and I hope he makes the Hodge his bitch.
In other news, my palBekah, who did her first round of treatment the same time I did, is continuing to battle Hodgkin's. Her latest treatment of the clinical trial SAHA is kicking her butt and making her incredibly sick. She recently decided to stop the trial and try and get a better quality of life. Unfortunately, she's still battling nausea, weight loss, vomiting, and fevers while being admitted in the hospital. Please think happy thoughts that she starts feeling better soon.
It was three years ago tomorrow that I was being sliced open to find out that I had Hodgkin's. What a crazy couple of weeks it was leading up to my surgery and then my diagnosis. Nothing stops you fast in your tracks like a cancer scare.
Cancer has changed my life. Period. Not to say that I wasn't a humble and giving person before, because, let's face it, I was. But it has changed some of my perspectives. I'm alive now, and really that's what matters to me. I try to live in the moment and relish the good times and try to get through the bad ones knowing they too, shall pass.
Also, my perspective on holidays has also changed. I really was never a huge person on receiving gifts during the holidays -- and I'm still that way (it's the thought and effort that counts), but I try to put in more effort to support those more needy than me. I even made my Halloween costume give back to the needy -- those 8 babies are going to make some kids very happy!
Anywho, as I remember this time that was so critical in my life 3 years ago, I just want to remind you all of what is important in life. The good stuff! Not dwelling on the bad all the time! And of course, surrounding yourself with those that make you happy and a better person.
I've been overwhelmingly impressed by Drew Olanoffover the past year. He's a social media guru, the proud owner of @drew on twitter and brains behind #blamedrewscancer. He's a fellow Hodge warrior and has been creating some serious buzz, awareness and cash to benefit the LiveStrong Foundation.
People can blame whatever they want on Drew's cancer. How cool is that!? I mean, let's face it, I often blame a lot of stuff on the beast that is the Hodge. Weight gain... Hodge. Gray hair....Hodge. Lack of memory.... again, the Hodge. So why not blame everyday things on Drew's cancer as well? I #BlameDrewsCancer for my computer being slow. It's that simple. And from the looks of his Website, it looks like he's hoping sponsors will donate for every tweet to LiveStrong after he beats it.
Celebrities from Alyssa Milano and Lance Armstrong are following Drew and blaming his cancer for loving chocolate or breaking a bone. And get this, comedian Drew Carey is offering to pay $1 million to the LiveStrong Foundation for Drew's @drew username on Twitter if he gets 1 million people following his @DrewFromTV username on Twitter by December 31. So why not go follow @DrewFromTV on Twitter.
If you're new to this page, you might want to start by reading My Story
My chemo countdown was completed on June 14, 2007.
I've still got some spots on my chest, but have been it's just thymic rebound. On October 25, 2007 I was told that I'm officially in Remission.
My next scans are scheduled for NEVER! I'm done with scans! Only on the yearly blood work program!
Suck it cancer!
September 2008
December 2006
Welcome to Chemopalooza!
Hi Everyone. I hope you enjoy reading my rants, raves and lunacy about living with Hodgkins Lymphoma. I was diagnosed on December 21, 2006 and did 6 months of ABVD. I still try to update this site on a regular basis so keep checking for updates. And I love reading your comments, so keep them coming!
