Saturday, June 11, 2011

Another Year, Another Flag Day

Last night, I was out with some friends. Someone asked me how the hodge was treating me -- or in my case, not fucking with me ;) And all of a sudden, I pulled out my cell phone and looked at the calendar... a couple days from June 14. What's June 14th? Well, it's Flag Day, my friends. What else is it? It's the day I like to celebrate beating cancer since it was my last chemo treatment, ever.

This will be the fourth year. I finished treatment back in 2007. It seems as the years get further away, I almost forget dates of things. Yet, I still think of the hodge, and how I've changed since then. Usually daily I remember something about that dark time in my life, and think, what a huge feat, and I did it. I won.

Yet, four years later, I often wonder.... should I have dramatically changed my life? Afterall, some people I know weren't so lucky.

I didn't change much about myself from a physical stand point. In fact, I actually put on a few, taunting, post-chemo pounds. But I didn't pick up and travel the world. In fact, I'm still trying to dig out of chemo debt and haven't been able to afford much of a different lifestyle.

I'd like to think from an internal perspective, I've changed. I have a different view of life that I didn't have before. My fearlessness has dwindled a bit, however. My humbleness and compassion has grown. I don't know if that's a win-win or not.

I recently started reading this book, and the writer talked about how she was happy with her life, but always wondered, is this it? Or is there more to my life other than the monotonous of everyday. I often wonder those same things every day. Am I just here to be the person I am today, or do I have some bigger purpose that I haven't realized yet? I think it's kind of like the childhood thoughts of there being one person, a soul mate, waiting in the world for you, and your goal is to find them. Yes, I secretly think like that, but haven't found said person in my 28 years. Is there some special purpose I was put on this earth for? Or just monotony? Of course, I'm still figuring things out.

Anywho, think of me on Tuesday and don your anti-chemo flags, folks.

XO

7 comments:

Joanna said...

Happy chemoversary. Four years is an accomplishment. Congratulations!

Diane said...

Congratulations! My daughter is now two years after chemo and has moved to every four months between dr. visits. Thanks for all you have shared over the years. You are here for a reason, you gave me hope.

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Sandra Clams said...

Congratulations. I hope everything runs well in your end. :) Thank you for sharing a positive light to all of those who are going through the same phase you have gone through. You are an inspiration that things will be better despite their current struggles.

AAAC said...

Cancer Care was very helpful financially for me, but through the persons hospital they should be able to apply for the total $3,000 that hospitals receive from the ACS each year. They won't volunteer the info, but each cancer patient is entitled to that money whether they get it via hospital perks i.e. parking vouchers, food vouchers, assistance with medicine or other. The hospital social worker knows this and should assist. Congrats on winning your cancer battles. I am a survivor too. Paying it forward is what it is all about.

HWguy said...

Hey there, nice to read your blog :) I'm also a Lymphoma survivor, now just over 5 years post chemo/radiotherapy and 29yo. I've recently been pondering life and how it has all panned out after my experience, decided to start a blog to ramble on about it! Please pop over for a read!

http://lifeafterlymphoma.blogspot.com

Hope you're still doing well and enjoying life!

All the best,

Sam