Wednesday, October 24, 2007

I Need A Stiff Drink

I feel venty and cranky all of a sudden... This Halloween costume stuff is crap... I don't need it.. I dunno, something about it is stressing me out. I think it's kinda like how I would walk around my parents house looking absolutely terrible during chemo, but would freak out if I had to see some friends during treatment because I didn't want them to see me looking like crap, so I would spend lots of time trying to hide me terribleness. Ugh... it must be anxiety. I think with this and the thought that in a little more than a day, I'll be doing my scans... is it bad that I kinda don't care what the answer is, I just want one! I can't wait for the rest of my life. I've really been doing fabulous at waiting, but now I just want to be done. I have chest pains, but why? Do I have a tumor in my chest that I don't know about? I'm itchy, but why? Do I have weird dry skin since chemo, or the hodge? Why hasn't my period come back yet? I'm obviously not pregnant, let's face it, sex is the last thing going on in my life these days and even if I did have sex (which I haven't! Where are those men you were sending over!!?!) , umm I'm still in menopause, I still get mini hot flashes (like now) and umm it probably wouldn't get very far. I made a stiff drink and drank half of it and dumped the rest of it. Bleh. I'm just venting, sorry. I'm feeling really cranky and I'm not sure why... probably the things I just listed above, duh Kelly! My martini shaker is stuck together, and I can't open it, I'm going to go buy a new one tomorrow! Fuck that! How else can I make a fancy martini if I don't have a working shaker! That's what I get for getting a Christmas clearance one that was $4 and umm blue for Hanukkah... lol.

I really like the music I have on my blog.... it's good for all of my up and down moods of being antsy and hyper, to being a sad lamb... PS Morgan, I could really use my shirt right now :) Too bad you don't live closer we could make 'em together.

Morgan and I were talking about how we should make business cards to hand out to people that say, "Oh you had/have Hodgkin's, that's the good cancer right? Or oh well, it's treatable"

And the business cards could have various sayings such as...

Front:

You've officially offended me by saying MY cancer is the GOOD one... there is no GOOD cancer Asshole (of course mine would have swears on them, because that's how I roll)

And/Or you could list reasons it's not the good cancer... because let's face it, if untreated, you would still die! Lists of relapse stuff, costs of treating the disease, you know some education, and maybe that one person will learn to think before being a douche... just a suggestion.

Anywho, I'm cranky, and I can't think of anything good to write...

XO

5 comments:

BaldyLocks said...

I've been stealing your blog pictures.

You'd better come check me out.

http://baldylocks.blogspot.com/2007/10/ode-to-kelly-from-chemolpolooza.html

Lis said...

LOL @ "there is no GOOD cancer Asshole" - I think you should get those cards made.

Anonymous said...

Feel and express whatever you want people to hear! Cancer SUX bigtime, I was there too!

{{{hugs}}}

Real Diva Designs said...

I am a friend of Rosannes aka. Baldylocks. I have know here for years and have witnessed what her cancer has done to her life, her boys, her friends and her body etc. I think you have every right to be cranky, pissy, bitchy and ticked right off. I think it would help to punch,slap or kick someone..(maybe a ex boyfriend would do the trick)I think if Baldylocks took the boots to Slipper Boy her life would feel so much brighter....the good news is itchy skin, crabbyness and sometimes chest pains are all part of the great glamourous thing called Menopause...so these too shell pass. You sound just as upbeat as Baldylocks.I am sending good thoughts your way.

P.S. Send me a card too

Becca said...

Hahahah....I'll go in on some cards with ya. Yours can read "there is no good cancer" and mine can read "Yea, I have ass cancer...and?!?"

I swear...the way we humans compartmentalize and categorize, I suppose just to make some sense outta things. but...it's CANCER! you CAN'T make sense outta it.

Congrats on remission! (i'm too scared/paranoid to ever utter those words, nor believe my doctors.)
but i'll live vicariously through yours!

B