Dear Zofran, oh how you help and hurt

As much as I love my anti nausea drugs, they really screw me up at the same time. Zofran is great, it keeps me from throwing up (knock on wood), but the crappy thing is, it makes you the most constipated person ever. I mean it's war between me and Zofran. I have to start taking laxatives the night before chemo, just to get a running start. It makes me want to never eat again.

Then there's the decadron, it's good. It supposedly does a bunch of stuff, another anti nausea drug, but also makes me eat and is a steriod. It's definitely made me gain about 10 pounds. Yep, I had to go out and buy new pants because my favorite ones don't fit anymore :( The other thing about the decadron, it makes my face beet red. It's weird. I'm not a fan, but I can survive. The other thing decadron is supposed to help with is my vein pains - and oh I get them bad. I'd be pissed if I were my veins too. Pushing toxic chemo drugs thru them for about 6 hours. My veins KILL. I try to knock the pain out with decadron and strong ibuprofen, but mostly I just have to wait until they calm down about a week later.

There's also the compazine and ativan. I'm not too sure what compazine does other than again preventing nausea. But ativan is good. It makes me sleep thru chemo and knocks me out at night. I sleep a lot. I wish I had more motivation to do stuff, but mostly I just take naps.

My hair is still falling out in semi-clumps. It's really annoying and makes me dread showering. I try not to wash it every day, the more washing the more falls out. I started again hanging it on the wall of the bathroom at my parents house - it's pretty gross. Two days worth of hair and it looks like someone just cut a ton of hair off and hung it on the wall. I can't believe I have 4 more months of this crap to deal with. I'm never going to last with all of my hair. I'm sick of the headaches and the vein aches and the hair loss, and I just want it to be over. June is a long time to wait until. And apparently, even if I'm done with chemo, I still can feel like crap for a while after it's over, they said up to 6 months after! I'm totally taking myself on a vacation when cancer is over. And of course throwing myself a party. But mostly a vacation.

Sorry this is so cranky, but that's just how I'm feeling these days - cranky.

XO