It's funny how big my eyes look these days. I'm thinking it's because of the puffy steroid face, but I'm not sure, all I know is that something looks weird in the general eye area of my face. Could be the combo of thin eyebrow and puffy face, or big pupils and puffy face...one thing I do know, it's part puffy face! I was just on the phone with my uncle and got a little bored so I started looking in the mirror, or maybe it was just my reflection in the window, whatever it was, I looked weird - like a druggie. You know those conversations you get sucked into, and there is no way out? That was kinda like the conversation I just had. When family members call and I answer the phone they get so confused, like because I have cancer I can't talk or something. Then it's this weird try to educate them without annoying myself or saying too much, but I did say "Yeah it'll be nice to spend a month on Block Island this summer, I'll be able to hopefully get some energy back and lose some of my chemo weight that I've gained..." And of course that was me opening up the stupid question door - "What do you mean you gained weight, I thought you're supposed to lose weight" Nope, sorry, most hodgers actually gain weight!
So I've been thinking a lot about my hair since I cut it yesterday. Well, let's face it, I'm always thinking about my hair. It's really tacky, I know, but it's always on my mind. So when I got it cut yesterday, she divided it into sections, and there's plenty in the back, but when you get to the sides there was barely any to pull up. It's so weird!! Now I'm kinda mad at myself, maybe I should have worn bandannas more in the winter and I could have saved some hair. We'll never know. I haven't washed it since we cut it yesterday, I figure I'll test it out tomorrow. But I've been thinking, it's going to look SOOOOO weird in the next few months. I wonder if it'll grow straight up and out - time will tell. But I took a picture of me (having super nice hair last year - might I add) and drew what I thought the hair might end up like, scary I know!!
Okay so maybe it won't grow in blonde (I will be pissed), that was just so you could see the definition between the real hair and "new" blonde hair growing in. Oh I miss my eyebrows from this picture too! And I miss how skinny my face is. Pretty much, I just miss last year! There are so many haircare and weight loss commercials on tv lately, and they all drive me nuts! I know I'm not like super disgusting fat, but I'm not as skinny as I used to be and just want things to fit right and not have to worry. I refuse to go to the fat girl store too! I'd rather start buying mens clothes! And as for the haircare commercials, I just want to cut their hair off, with the wind blowing it around everywhere! Bitches! Ha! Okay that's my rant, just venting. I suppose I should just turn the TV off, but let's face it, that's how I pass time these days.
So I'm starting to feel normal, it seems that the aches came early and left early. I'll probably sleep crappy tonight again and then be better. Last night I couldn't stop sweating even though the AC was on, especially my face and head kept sweating. It's totally a post chemo thing. I popped some pills a few times last night just so I could get the time to pass by! Ha ha..it's true. Ativan and advil pm are my night time friends! :)
Okay that's all for now. I'll write more soon. XO