This occurred to me today that I was diagnosed with the Hodge on December 21st, 4 days before Christmas, starting chemo a week or so after the new year. Now, there's a possibility of a relapse, and I get this information 5 days before my 25th birthday! Am I ever going to get a break!!? What did a do to make this happen to me, damnit!!! I had been waiting for my 25th birthday during chemo, because I knew I would be done with everything, free and clear!!! Well fuck me!
And then yesterday I went to Meg's wedding reception - she's a year older than me and has been with her now husband for 5 years, then I see people I grew up with, 1 is married with a 5-month old, one is engaged, and then later that night my dad told me that one of my ex's is either married or engaged as well -- the kicker, to a girl he dated RIGHT after me. WTF! I really don't want to have this cancer business anymore. I feel like life is passing me by. I don't want to be a spinster for the rest of my life! I want to have kids someday -- but can I if I have to have a transplant? Should I have not focused on my career after graduating college and just looked for mister right? Was it the stress of trying to break into working in PR that gave me cancer? Was is because I lived and worked in Woburn where there was a huge cancer outbreak 30 years ago? (more articles online if you search for Woburn and cancer or cancer cluster or A Civil Action)
I'm just so frustrated about everything! My eyebrows are finally starting to look normal again, and I didn't lose all of my hair during ABVD, but I sure will if I do a transplant :( I just hate everything today!!!!!!!!!!