Wednesday, December 19, 2007

I can't wait for life to happen anymore.

Almost exactly one year ago, I blogged this on myspace

Subject: It's official

Hi All -
Just a quick update, I officially have Hodgkin's lymphoma... my doctor thinks it's stage 2 (1 being the best, 4 the worst) and we're going to run a bunch more tests and most likely start chemo mid-late January depending on tests and stuff. So feel free to get liquored up with me before then!

How weird to have it be one year ago when my life completely changed. That means the past few weeks, this time last year, were a nightmare for me -- a mix of panic attacks and drinking too much to keep my mind off of what could be - and what was. I wish I could go back to that time and not have cancer, and still have my old life. I miss it - but not my cancer.

I think it's all hitting me tonight, how weird my life has become. How getting sick just sucks. And I'm not going to lie, I'm freaking out a little bit right now.

The holidays suck. I love the whole giving idea and everything, but I think it also tends to be a very excluding time of year as well. As of now, I have no plans for New Years, and really, I don't care-- but at the same time, it just reminds me how single I am - blah.

Oh and maybe you're wondering how my experience is going? Well so far, it's super lame and is just annoying. I'm getting like "pitch" emails - you can tell that they just copy and paste the same exact email to everyone -- clearly you're going to find miss right doing that. OR I get the creepiest looking guys that live in their parents basements and play dungeons and dragons all night... whatever.

I give up. It's just lame. I'm just going to focus on myself. I need to be happy with me and my own situation before I add someone else to the mix. I can't wait for life to happen anymore.



Anonymous said...

Wow Kelly - I can't believe it has been a full year. I must say, you have come through this a ridiculously strong person!! I really respect that - and love the thing...given that I met my hubby on the internet, I am just a lil biased ;-)

Veronica said...

Hey Kel - happy(?) least this year, you don't have the beast inside of you - yay you!!!!

Don't you go worrying that purdy little head of yours about being single - 'Mr Fabulous-est' is out there for you and he'll find you when the time's right - promise!! Or do what I did and find a guy you like and MAKE him yours!!! Geez if you can make the Hodge your bitch, what chance does a mere guy have?? ;0)

Thinking of you, Kel Kel.........xx

Dennis said...

You are a great person and I thank you for watching over Candace and giving her words of encouragement. You are an inspiration to us.
I hope you have a happy holiday with your family.
Be well,

Mary said...

Meh, I say don't worry about New Year's: I think it's kind of a fake holiday anyway. I'm spending mine with a couple who are friends of mine which is almost sadder than spending it alone. (haha)

Just think of how much you've accomplished in the last year. Of course, being sick sucks, but you've gotten tnrough it, and, as your christmas card said (thanks by the way) 2008 has to be our year.


BaldyLocks said...

The holidays are the worst. Exclusive is a great way to put it. We are all supposed to buy gifts and revel in the perfection of our lives...

Luckily one day you will look back and this part of your life will be so much smaller than it is now.

Your warmth is felt by so many people. I wish I was there on your bad days and we could have martinis and say "fuck it!".

Duane said...

Thanks for your wonderful comments recently, Kelly.

YOU SO ROCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

judy tierney said...

Hi chemo-less girl,

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year. We just returned from a trip, so we're late with holiday stuff-- even cards. Ours to your parents' will be mailed today.

This year is going to be a good one for you, I'm sure.

Meanwhile, since I won't see you New Year's, I'll remember to drink a glass of champagne to your health.

Block Island Judy