Thursday, January 10, 2008

Funky


I haven't posted on a while... I'm in kind of a funk. Bekah found out earlier this week that she had relapsed. We finished treatment about the same time this year... we're about the same age, she's more of a health fanatic than I am though... so you would just think, I would be the one... but nope! So it's kinda slowly wearing on me. Bekah, I haven't called you yet because I don't know what to say, and I dunno, I just don't want to bother you in this crazy time. But I will call you soon. You're always welcome to call me to talk in the meantime! So yeah, that's part of my funk...

My other funk... is work. I had a lot of fun busy-ness last week. This week was menial stuff, which is fine, but I felt like I was training the world and it was keeping me from doing what I needed to do. And then some of the people have just been wearing on me. Too much drama. Too much crap. Too many cliques. And by the time I get into work at 10, everyone is all settled, so it's kinda awkward. And someone that I usually think is really awesome and nice and all that fun stuff, tried to make a joke/comment about me "strolling in at 10" every morning.... and it just really got me mad because then I started thinking that other people probably say shit like that behind my back... and well I just got really annoyed! I think people think I get paid like a full timer but really the company pays me like a part timer and my disability insurance (that everyone at the company has!) pays the rest. So I feel like I'm supposed to defend myself, explain myself, prove myself... and I just don't feel like it. And then there is this cute entry level girl that I'm working with and I think she's scared of me! And I don't know how to make her unscared! I'm really nice and just trying to make sure she understands stuff and does things are efficient as possible... but I think it's backfiring and making her think I'm scary! Ugh. Tomorrow is Friday, and I'm really looking forward to it. I feel better now that I've vented, but the week has really worn on me. I was starting to feel fevery tonight when I got home... bleh. I'm off to bed.

I promise to post more soon. And please think happy thoughts for Bekah who will be heading to transplant soon (I'm assuming) and Morgan who's already fighting the transplant yuckies for the second time!

XO

5 comments:

judy said...

Hi Kelly,

Glad it's Friday for you. Rest up, have fun... I found an article in the NYTimes this week on cancer doctors needing more empathy. It's in their health section if you want to read it. Meanwhile, I'll send my empathy!

I'm coming to Boston Thurs-Sun, Feb 7,8,and 9 for a newspaper conference. Ron is coming that Friday...don't know if you trek in these days, but if you do, let's have dinner one evening...
Judy

BaldyLocks said...

I'll call you when I get the chance if you can send me your phone # again.

I'm sorry about your funk, I hope you feel better soon.

Mary said...

Hey Kelly-
I had similar problems at work, especially during treatment. Like I would leave every other friday at lunch to go to chemotherapy and other days for doctor appointments, and in general Ijust had a harder time keeping up at work. And some people amde comments about my leaving work early or whatever, which made me wonder 1. do they not know I have cancer? and 2. if they do, are they really that insensitive? Anyway, my point is, try not to worry about what other people think. You have to do what's best for you, and clearly you're doing the best you can. It sucks though, I know.
Mary

Veronica said...

Chin up, kiddo - work's the same the world over!! I get the same type of comments for working part time, but, I sometimes point out, I do only get PAID for part time!! Stupid asses - the lot of them. Stick with us, Kel, we'll keep you right. You're doing brilliantly and fantastically only the way you can do - keep smiling, stick 2 fingers up (secretly is probably safest) at everyone who pisses you off and just keep doing what you're doing........K? I have spoken - 'nuff said!!

Vx

Mary Jane Steele said...

Hey Kel,

I'm sorry to hear you are in such a funk. I fear everyday now that I will have a relapse. I hear about it all the time, and it makes me wonder if I'm next. Please send my love to Bekah. Does she have a blog page?

I'm also sorry to hear about work. People can be evil. Try to walk in with your head held high and try not to let any of them get to you. Unless they have had cancer, they have no idea what you have been through.

Take it easy Kel.

Jane