I'm the best softball player, eva! Okay maybe not. One thing I learned last night, is that my body and my mind aren't exactly matched up yet. So I was doing awesome, playing really good. I got up to bat, hit and started running to 1st base, and my body just stopped, and I fell - HARD! I think I might have blacked out when I was running, I'm not really sure. But it sucked, my legs are cut up and I have a big chunk missing in my hand - whoops! I still kept playing though, and did pretty good. I even caught up pop up without any effort :) I played again today, but it was waaaaay hotter, and my stomach was pretty cranky because of the heat, and with my leg all bandaged up and my hand with band aids that just weren't sticking, I definitely wasn't as good as yesterday. I decided to just go home after the game instead of going out for drinks with everyone, I was exhausted and sweaty!
So anyways, that's my story for now. My pickle fingers are still yucky. I'm going to try and see a skin specialist this week hopefully. Then I'll probably head home, maybe this weekend. I can only do so much here. I'm still pretty tired. But I was really impressed that I played the whole game yesterday and of course I was in pain the next day, but not as bad as I expected. It actually felt good to throw a ball -- I was nervous because I throw with my right hand, same as my bad shoulder, but surprisingly, it didn't hurt!
Oh and I finally got my long term disability checks!!!!!! I was so excited to deposit them! I'll be paying my parents a chunk of the money, gotta love cancer.
And on another note, I'm feeling really weird lately. It's so tough to get acclimated to being "normal" -- I'm not normal, and everyone else's lives kept going on while I was out of commission. I feel like I don't fit in with anyone these days, and even though I don't have a date set to go back to work, I'm really scared. I don't know anyone anymore, and I don't want to have to answer lots of questions, like hey you cut your hair short -- nope, it just fell out a bunch more :( But yeah, everyone my age has problems like fighting with their friends, not having enough money, wanted to be promoted, boyfriend/girlfriend stuff -- but me, I'm dealing with fighting for my life, getting poked every 2 weeks for 6 months, losing my hair, having scars that will last a lifetime, and just trying to rebuild my life -- it's definitely tough to relate to everyone. Anywho, that's just my little rant on being scared - I'm trying to work on it though.
Cross your fingers that the pickle fingers dry up soon!
XO
4 comments:
Becareful crossing those pickle fingers! :)
yeah way too hot for games today, what are you crazies thinking!
Take it all day by day, be glad your alive and tackle everything with a sense of humor, well thats my advise. And you know you got peeps that can relate to you anytime you need, who will understand what you're goin through. don't worry pretty soon you'll have those boyfriend problems, promotion thoughts and all those new people will have become old friends :)
xoxo
san
Hey Kelly,
Thats good you're getting out there and being active. I can't wait to start working out and loosing this extra weight I've put on. I feel so distant from everyone. Can't go hang out in large crowds because I worried of getting even more sick. I feel confined to my home most of the time. I got invited to go to some races this weekend but I'm worried the heat is going to kick my ass. I hate to bring the whole family out and pay for admission to have to leave early because my body can't handle the sun and heat. I can't believe, the things I use to do that now I can't do. I know what your feeling about missing out. I'm sure it will get better. We both just need to pick up our chins. I'm sure it will get better. Hope your pickle fingers clear up soon.
Take care,
Jane
Hey Kel - it was so good to finally speak to you tonight. You're doing brilliantly......you're such a lively, outgoing, caring young woman with your whole life ahead of you........those who don't know you at work, soon will and they'll love you for who you are and who you have become over the past few months. Yes, people's lives have gone on as 'normal', that's the way of the world - even as the caregiver, I feel that too - but that doesn't mean they don't care or don't think about you often.......it will all be yours again, if you want it..............xx
Chin up, Miss Pickle Fingers........KYPFU (Keep Your Pickle Fingers Up!! ;0) )
I know what you mean with the whole uncertainty about getting back to "regular" life. I put off student teaching One More Semester to make sure that I don't have to cancel it for the 3rd time to go and do more treatment junk.
My advice (as I wave my motherly pickle finger at you) is to go back when it feels right. But don't wait to be Completely comfortable, that time won't come. It'll maybe be a bumpy (like a pickle) takeoff into the sky of Normal Living, but that's ok. It's better than chemo!
Hey, wanna have a hair growing race?!
GO!
Morgan who thinks she had that weird bad sweat thing happen a few weeks ago, except it was on her chest (pickle boobs anyone?)
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