Saturday, November 24, 2007

Lonely Lamb


I don't know what's going on with me the past few days, but I've just been feeling really lonely and out of touch with everything. There's so many things that trigger this, but one of the main things is that my friends continued with their lives when I was in bed for 6+ months... and basically replaced me in their lives... I've recently noticed, that if I don't call people, they don't call me - maybe they would eventually, maybe in a month or something... but I think it's lame. Sometimes I wonder if I died at my apartment, how long would it take for people to realize that I'm gone? Now that I'm back to work, I figure it would be speedier, but sometimes I think it would take people a while to realize...

I just need to keep busy lately, and I'm not. Probably part of the problem is that I was at my parents house all weekend, and it's kind of stagnating there... I usually just sleep all day there and it's kind of boring.

I'm going to just start doing things for me and stop sitting around waiting for things to happen... but this damn cancer has made me so self conscious, as well as easily tired, duh. I know 2008 is going to be a much better year for me.... a little more hair, and hopefully a little less Kelly...

Bleh. I feel a little better now that I've vented, but stuff still bothers me, I just gotta ignore it.

I hope you're all doing fabulous.

XO

6 comments:

BaldyLocks said...

Finally! I've had such a hard time with my internet not letting me post! Sorry I didn't get your message in time. I was on the hunt for some serious cheesecake. I did get some!

Sorry you're feeling lonely. I guess I'm okay because I'm such a loner. I was thinking of sending out a mass email saying I'm hoping to reconnect with people in a few months. See what happens. It's so sad that they forget about us!

I almost caved and got a little puppy. Luckily my friend took it away from me. *sob* She was SO cute. I can still imagine her little body curled up on my chest. Oh well.

Maybe you could get a little dog? Or kick your friends in the ass.

Veronica said...

Hey kiddo - I don't know if what you're feeling is necessarily cancer connected, but what you've been through has probably exacerbated it. I remember feeling like that before I had kids. I still have friends who I would never hear from if I didn't contact them and I'm sure there are some of my friends who feel like that about me. Try to decide who you want to keep in your life and swallow that pride and keep contacting them - they'll soon get used to you being back to being you!

Not sure if this makes any sense - but I do know how you're feeling as I've felt it many times before...........take care and try not to let things get you down. Tiredness is probably playing a part too! Hope you have another good week at work............xx

BaldyLocks said...

I think I should come over. If only you didn't live so far away.

Have a good day at work!

TOG said...

Hey babe.

I hope you feel better soon. We've all had a bit too much "sad" in our lives as of late, but everything will get better. Life just does that.

There are some friends in my life who simply don't call; I have to call them to get their latest updates, find out where the party is, etc. I keep myself in the loop that way. I agree with Veronica Darling: If they are worth it to you, keep contacting them. They may not even realize that they aren't making the first move, you know?

I'll call you tomorrow; if you're not too busy, pick up! =)

P.S. Why am I always the one who calls YOU? JK!!! <3<3<3<3

Mary Jane Steele said...

Hey Kel,
It's been a while since I've been by your page. I just wanted to stop in and say hello. Sounds like you've had better days! I hope you feel better soon! Just keep your chin up. Hope you had a good turkey day!
Talk to you soon,
Jane

Candace Kuchinski said...

Hey, that's a cute lamb! I agree with Baldy that you should get a dog. They are the best friends in the world. You don't expect too much from them because they are just dogs and they never let you down.

Just remember when you are feeling self-conscious what you have survived and let that empower you. Most people can only "talk" of being that strong. You have proven you are. Cheer up because new friends can be just around the corner.