Sink Or Swim, Baby!

I'm sorry it's taken me so long to post. I got into one of those tired and lazy funks recently mixed in with a little bit of busy... and whoops no posts for a while! Sorry!

So lately, my skin has been a giant mess! I'm an acne nightmare! My hormones are all sorts of screwed up, and my skin looks worse than it's been probably in my entire life. Ugh. I just don't even want to leave the house it's so bad. I went to the dermatologist last week before Christmas to get my port scar injected with some steroids to hopefully shrink my scar... it only sorta worked, like the last time! Anywho, I told the dermatologist that I needed some help for my crazy skin so they kind of overloaded me on stuff - which every dermatologist does and it's so annoying! They also always push benzoyl peroxide products but they bleach clothes, sheets, and towels - so I HATE them! They also put me on birth control again, which should help a lot with the crazy hormones - the bad thing is, I have to wait until I get my period again, and who knows when that will happen. Ugh! The other bad thing which I actually forgot all about - weight gain! Just what I need! Hopefully I'll be working out more often (I went to the gym tonight!!!) and will lose instead of gain when I finally go on it. Damnit, I've got old pants to wear! So yeah, my skin is a mess. Think happy, clear skin thoughts for me and 2008!

Other than that, not much is new with me. My friend Hippy came to town this week, so I got to hang out with him last night. We were going to do kareoke, but decided to go back to that piano bar that I went to for my birthday. It was just okay this time though. Maybe I should have drank more! Ha

Tomorrow is New Years... and I kinda hate it... but it's snowing now... maybe I won't do anything :) I dunno, me and Hippy are planning on doing something, we just don't know what yet. Whatevs.

So yeah... 2008 here we come! This is the year or skinny, health, and fabulousness!

What is your New Years resolution? Mine is kinda weird... well other than the usual losing chemo weight, finding mister right, staying healthy, being happy...yada yada

The other one is... I've decided that for the month of January, I'm going to give up being the friend that always contacts my friends to make plans. It's stupid. I'm not bitter or anything, I just want to see who actually makes the effort, and perhaps those who don't might just get cut. This year has taught me that I'm the only friend I need, the others are just entertainment, and although I love them, I also get really angry when I'm always the only one putting effort into relationships. So it's sink or swim baby, starting 2008!

Anywho, I hope you're all well. And honestly, if you're reading this, you don't count in my 2008 resolution!

Soooo leave me comments and tell me what your resolutions are!

Oh and one more random random thing... I bought myself new perfume for 2008... afterall, I'm a big smell person, they cheer me up and make me feel good... so I thought it was worth changing it up a bit!

Okay, I'm done rambling!
XO

My Dog Loves Christmas

My dog wanted me to share a video of him opening his Christmas penguin that I got him... I have more videos to post soon, but the internet is slow here, so this will do for now :)

I hope you all had a fabulous Christmas!

XO

Well it's Christmas Eve...

Time to start celebrating and all of that jazz. I'll be going to my aunt and uncle's tonight their Christmas Eve party - it's a bit of a tradtion. It used to be that my grandparents would host it every year, but since they've passed away, my aunt and uncle took it over. It's usually a pretty good time. Lots of food, booze, and laughing. I plan on having a few drinks tonight. Then tomorrow, it's a low key day at my parents house - we might go to my Uncle Donald's as well at some point, but pretty low key.

My biggest pet peeve about Christmas this year, is that people want to make their gifts even with yours. It doesn't work that way my dears, your supposed to give because you want to, and that's it. Please remember that for tomorrow. I love the idea of giving and finding something thoughtful for people, but it makes me sad if they think it's just a chore for Christmas... or if they wait until the last weekend to do their shopping, obviously it wasn't that thoughtful then. Me, I got 95% of my shopping done weeks ago, and even all of my wrapping done by last week. Of course, I didn't have to buy for a lot of people, but still. I tricked Mandy and gave her gifts earlier this month, that way she's not obligated to buy for me :)

But yay, Christmas is almost over, and soon my bank account will be much happier because I'll be done buying gifts! :)

I hope you all have a wonderful Christmas and enjoy time with your families. And remember, tis the season of giving, not receiving.

XO

My One Year Hodgeversary

Although I have been lonely off and on, especially this week, contrary to my current main song, I'm not lonely. Every time I hear that song, it oddly cheers me up - and honestly, I never hear it, so voila, enjoy!

Today was a pretty low key day... especially since it was my hodgeversary as Veronica said... and even weirder, I had a dermatologist appointment at NEMC, so I was actually there at basically the same time as I was last year.... and of course, after my appointment, I went to see my nurses to say hi and Merry Christmas, yada yada... freaky.

Dear cancer,

fuck you. youre not worth capitalization and proper punctuation.

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year,

XO
Kelly

Ha!

Also tonight I saw PS I Love You with Mandy -- I had been talking about it for a few weeks. I tried to get Pat to go see it, mostly because I just liked the name and shock value of making him go, but he refused... he was wise. I'm a sucker for anything cute and chick-ish.... however, this movie was not my cup of tea. It was a very sad lamb movie... I thought it was about this widow finding herself after the death of her husband, but instead it was just about how hung up on him she was, and she didn't do a ton of living... soooo not my style. BUT it did make me want to go to Ireland and pick up some legit Irish men.... or maybe Wullie, could you please bring me some when you visit? That would be terrific, thanks in advance! No, but really, I want to go to Ireland. So far today I've added two trips to my list of places I would like to go soon -

1. Ireland.

2. Visit my friend Chris (aka Hippy or Hippo) outside San Francisco at his apparently fancy new apartment

3. of course it was already on my list -- visit Karen in Vegas.

4. England/Scotland cancer peeps style :)

As of right now, the most likely of the 4 is Vegas... and it will happen. I just need to do a little better at saving, Christmas time is a hard time to get back on my feet. So if you want to buy me a present, get me a JetBlue gift card or something... cash towards a trip.... or win the lottery and send me to all of my destinations, as well as maybe Hawaii and somewhere else fabulous and tropical... I'm open to suggestions, especially if it's YOUR lottery money.

At least before the movie I had a few drinks... I don't think it helped though, just made me a little antsy pantsy. Ahhh well!

I bought your Christmas presents and wrapped them and hid them under your tree....

What!?! You didn't find them!?! Damn that Santa!

Ha ha... I'm random, it's because I'm one sleepy girl.

Oh and while I was at the dermatologist I got her to put me on some lovely birth control for my crazy hormonal acne face -- sooo you know what else that means... no three headed chemo babies in my near future.... ha ha! I think you need to have sex to worry about that, nevermind, ha!

Mmmmkay! I'm done with you ... I feel like there were lots more things I wanted to write, but instead, just enjoy my music on my page... damnit, I do!!!

Raaaawwwwwrrrr

XO

I can't wait for life to happen anymore.

Almost exactly one year ago, I blogged this on myspace

Subject: It's official

Hi All -
Just a quick update, I officially have Hodgkin's lymphoma... my doctor thinks it's stage 2 (1 being the best, 4 the worst) and we're going to run a bunch more tests and most likely start chemo mid-late January depending on tests and stuff. So feel free to get liquored up with me before then!
XO

How weird to have it be one year ago when my life completely changed. That means the past few weeks, this time last year, were a nightmare for me -- a mix of panic attacks and drinking too much to keep my mind off of what could be - and what was. I wish I could go back to that time and not have cancer, and still have my old life. I miss it - but not my cancer.

I think it's all hitting me tonight, how weird my life has become. How getting sick just sucks. And I'm not going to lie, I'm freaking out a little bit right now.

The holidays suck. I love the whole giving idea and everything, but I think it also tends to be a very excluding time of year as well. As of now, I have no plans for New Years, and really, I don't care-- but at the same time, it just reminds me how single I am - blah.

Oh and maybe you're wondering how my match.com experience is going? Well so far, it's super lame and is just annoying. I'm getting like "pitch" emails - you can tell that they just copy and paste the same exact email to everyone -- clearly you're going to find miss right doing that. OR I get the creepiest looking guys that live in their parents basements and play dungeons and dragons all night... whatever.

I give up. It's just lame. I'm just going to focus on myself. I need to be happy with me and my own situation before I add someone else to the mix. I can't wait for life to happen anymore.

XO

Motivation...?

I think with my past week being hectic, I totally stopped any attempt at eating healthy or exercising. I'm hoping to curve that starting today. I slept a lot last night, and I think I'm ready to officially take on the challenge. I had some really freaky/scary dreams last night though, so when I woke up I was a little freaked out. That's one problem with me sleeping a lot, I have majorly vivid dreams. I woke up early again this morning, I guess I'm really starting to set my internal clock! And since it was snowing like crazy when I woke up this morning, I closed my door and went back to bed :) I'm kind of enjoying my laid back weekend. I can't believe that next weekend is already the start of Christmas! I feel like I'm not quite ready yet -- it seemed so far away! I mean, I'm all done shopping and that stuff... I just feel like I need more time. I don't have any plans for New Years yet, and really, I kinda don't care at this point - or at least today. Last year was pretty lame, and honestly, if I just watch movies all night, that could be okay too. Whatevs.

Bleh. I guess I'm just kinda eh today. But I'm going to drink my fancy delicious tea, and then hit the gym! So suck it!!

Oh yeah, and here's some more pictures I took yesterday of my new hair - and yes, Ry Ry noted that I don't have anything on my walls - but I went out to get some ideas last night, so I'm a little closer, I swear!! I think the roads are crappy today (we had another snow storm last night/this am), otherwise I would be out shopping for stuff to hang, I swear! I think I'm going to take a trip to ikea soon, so stay tuned!

XO

I love you like threaded eyebrows and fancy hair

I'm having a love affair with a flat iron -- ha ha ha! Here are some pictures of my fancy new hair. Bear in mind, these are not glamour shots, and I took them before I went to bed at 2am last night. Honestly, I could have gone a little shorter, but I was scared, and I think we had a little bit of a miscommunication. I figure I'll probably be rocking the curly most of the time, so it will be much shorter. but I did finally order a fancy flat iron of my very own, and it should be arriving on Monday, yay!

I requested not to be Ellen DeGeneres short, ha! My hair is still super wispy, but it's on it's way to looking normal! I think my bangs ar finally mostly in!! Yay! I'll try and get dressed fancy style and take a picture at some point!

Okay, next we need to discuss threading... while I was waiting for my hair color to process, I decided that I should wax my upper lip -- I do it every few months, and no I don't have a black crazy stache or anything close, but I have random blonde hair that just annoys me - especially when you're trying on clothes in the mall under the terrible florescent lights - ugh. So anyway, I had some time to kill, and it was kinda like "make Kelly fancy day", so I went in to get my lip waxed, and I warned the lady that I have uuber sensitive skin and to be careful - then she suggested threading - which I've heard of, but never understood or experienced... so I thought sure, what the hell! And then, she was apparently bored, because she threaded my face -- I had a lot of random chemo peach fuzz on my face, and now, it's all gone! And it's amazing!! She totally hooked me up too - only charged me for the lip and did my brows and random peach fuzz all over- clearly, it was amazing. I think she's like a crack dealer - they give you a deal the first time, but then you're hooked, and you have to pay full price! Ha! So yeah, seriously, it's amazing. I might become her threading pimp, because I'm psyched! I should go try on some clothes at the mall now, ha ha! Just kidding - threading doesn't make you skinny too! She should really work on that!

Here's a YouTube video on what threading is like, click here. I'm having trouble embedding videos - mostly copying and pasting the code, anyone else ever have that problem?

We had a crazy snow storm on Thursday. Most people left work at noon, I wasn't in a rush, I figured A) I have 4 wheel drive on my car, B) if I'm going to be stuck in traffic, what difference does it make what time I leave, and C) I only live 10 miles from work.... so I left at 2:30, just because most people had already left - so I figured I might as well join the pack, besides, it was almost time for me to go home anyways :) Sooo I ended up being stuck for 2.5 hours on the highway - I was stuck in my works parking garage for a good 20 minutes, and then the back road to get to the highway was all backed up, so I assumed the highway was the best option.... but I think I was actually wrong. I got off an exit before the usual exit that I take, and no one was on the road!! Damn, ha ha! Oh well - I was still home by 5, which is really earlier than I had been getting home lately anyways. And I need to mention how happy I am that I park my car in a garage... so fabulou... anyways, after I got home, I made out some Christmas cards AND mailed them - which is pretty amazing, a lot of the time, I write them out, and never mail them - and then find them the next year! But not this year!! But if I don't have your address you're probably not getting a card, duh, it's not rocket science. So don't be all offended.

Anywho, that's all I got going on now. I'm planning on having a pretty low key weekend. I need to go check my mail, I hope my Netflix videos have come in! Fingers are crossed!

XO!!

I Love You Like Pineapple Infused Vodka

Ha! I drank a lot this weekend, more than I have in a very very long time. It was hilllarious. Me and my two cousins, second cousin's, Anne Marie who is 45 and Mary Anne who is 60ish... and me, ha! But you would be surprised, we had a really good time. Including when Anne Marie had me do 5 shots of pineapple vodka, ya know the kind with pineapple sliced into a big jar of vodka, so basically it's straight vodka, and I had 5 of them, mwahaha! So basically, I'll be going back to Artu (in the North End - yes Wullie and Veronica, I'll bring you there too!) and will be sitting at the bar doing those shots again sometime soon! Ha! Or maybe I'll make my own, or both, duh!

Anywho, I had fun, picked up a few guys that soon confessed they secretly had girlfriends, ha! At one point, I walked away without saying goodbye, I just crossed the street and left. It was HILLLLARIOUS! It was after I was dragged to a random bar a bajillion blocks away from our hotel, and told that it was right down the street, and then I got there and it was packed! I think the guy was trying to make me go get food with him, and then I found out he like lived with some girl, so I literally just crossed the street and walked away, I know, I'm awesome! So no new men for me, no snugglypoos, no action, no nothing... maybe a free beer? ha!

Other than that, I did a little shopping, and finally got Pat's present... which is awesomely hilllarious... and if he and his roommate didn't read my blog every once and a while, I would write what it is... but for now, you'll have to wait until Christmas-ish time.

Oh and another random thing... so Anne Marie and Mary Anne (I know, too many Anne's especially if you knew that I'm Kelly Anne Kane, ha!) were getting ready, and I was bored, so I started playing with Annie Marie's flat iron - just trying to straighten my bangs, and then I kept going because I thought it was funny -- I did the yucky curly underneath of my hair, and it came out super super straight, and actually looked pretty amazing! Obviously the front was really thin since I just don't have a lot of hair there, but I think if it were shorter, I could totally rock the fabulousness that is my cancer hair - because let's face it, my hair is still better than a lot of people's hair, so ha! So now I'm going to figure out the exact type of her iron, which is kinda pricey, but clearly worth it, and I'm going to buy it for myself - or get someone to get me it at a bargain price -- anyone have any hair stylist connections for me to use? Either way, I'm getting it. I'm coloring and cutting my hair on Friday, which I'm super excited about! I think I'm going to cut it chin-ish length, and hopefully then I won't need to pull it back anymore or at least as much! I'll take some glamour shots on Friday if you're lucky - I don't think I have any plans that night yet, and I definitely need to work on that :)

Anywho, other than that, not much else is going on in my life. I just really wanted to share my love for pineapple, ha! I hope you're all well, and if I owe you an email or a phone call, I might need a nudge, this whole working thing is tough sometimes.

XO

PS I updated my music again... Wullie there are a few Boston songs for you :)

Do you miss me like leg warmers and side ponytails?

I'm exhausted. I've been such a busy bee these past few weeks. I went from being bored, and lonely and wanting people to call me, to being over booked and sleepy! Even if I'm not hanging out with friends, I've gone to Boston to wander for the past 3 weekends, and I'm actually going again this weekend... I'm impressing myself. I'm doing a nice balance of seeing people again (yay) and having Kelly time and doing what I want to no matter if it's by myself. Yay.

I'm getting my hair colored next Friday, and I can't wait!!! I'm sooo due, I'm all sorts of blah and yucky looking. I'm not sure if I'm going to cut it shorter like my original plan or wait a while. I'll figure it out that night most likely. But it'll definitely be fabulously dark and shiny again!

I'm on another new business pitch next week - which means I'll be scrambling to get some research done tomorrow and Monday... blah. But this time, I spoke up and said I can't do what I did on my second week back - I'm not coming in super early, or staying super late, because I totally burnt myself out that way. But I feel a little more comfortable about working on this presentation, since I have a lot of info already pulled together from the previous one I made... thank goodness!

I feel like I had intended to write a lot more - I was thinking about some things I needed to write on my drive home from Mandy's cookie decorating party -- yes, another friggin' cookie party - I'm totally cookied out!! But yeah, I don't remember what the things I wanted to write about were. I do feel like the old me a little more though. Like some of the things going on in my life this time last year - are very similar to this time last year, so I feel like I'm on the right track. Let's just hope I don't find out I have cancer in a few weeks, like I did last year, ha! No worries, I'm not going to the doctor's until February, so that won't rain on my holiday parade!

Anywho, I hope you're all well. I'm trying to get more organized and catch up on sleep, yada yada yada, but I might try and post some more stuff tomorrow - once I remember what it was. BTW - are any of your secret decorating fanatics? I need some help with my apartment, I want to do some painting, but I'm super indecisive on the colors I want, because I don't want to paint all the walls, because ugh, too many! Anywho, if you're local, or even if you're not, but you've got lots of ideas, lemme know!

XO

I'm an optimist with a pinch of cynicism and a dash of fuck you...

Apparently, everyone really loved that quote that I made up about myself from the last post, so I thought I would re-share it... I hope you re-enjoyed it!

I've been feeling pretty good since my last post - as most of you noticed. I've also kept really busy this weekend, which I'm currently having a love hate relationship with - because I really wanted sleep, lots of sleep, too! But, busy keeps me happy, and I'll take happy over sleep!

Let's see... on Friday after work, I braved the mall and tried to get some ideas on what to get my mom for Christmas, and what to get Pat - because, really, those are the only other peeps left on my list. I'm not going crazy with gifts this year, so if you're thinking, hmmm maybe me and Kelly are exchanging gifts, you're probably wrong :) But anywho, I actually picked up a few things I've been meaning to get for myself, afterall, I did get paid on Friday as well! And didn't get anything for my mom, but I did get something for my aunt, and got it super fancy wrapped as well! Then, after I got home from the mall, I had to bake 3 dozen cookies! I started baking around 11:30, and finished around 1ish... I made these peanut butter cookies with Hershey kisses on top, and they actually came out super delicious! BUT, I soooo wanted them out of my apartment as soon as possible, I couldn't stand the smell of peanut butter by the time I was done making them all!

Saturday morning, I met Mandy (at a strip mall in Danvers, MA because she was dress shopping for her friends wedding) to drive to Kennebunk, Maine to go to Carolyn's Christmas Cookie Swap party - which was fun, and it was good to catch up with Mandy on the car ride because she's such a busy bee! She dropped me off at my car around 6ish, and I went to a little store and bought my dog a fabulous Christmas present - yes, he celebrates it too! It's a giant penguin, and he will LOVE it! I'll take a picture soonish and post it. And then I almost bought Pat this tic tac toe shot glass set because all of the shot glasses said either X or O, so they were XO shot glasses, and since we're lunatics and instead of saying Hi or Bye to each other, we usually say XO because, duh, it's funnier. Sooo I was walking around the store with this set, then I decided it was junk and would just sit in the corner somewhere, and that it's really the thought that counts, so I took a picture of it and sent it to him instead, ha ha! And then he called me a few minutes later, and we were actually right near each other, so I met him at his apartment and we went out to dinner, and then I went out and bought some beers for myself (hey, I've been really good!) and we hung out and watched some Saturday Night Live reruns and drank, and I made him have snugglypoos with me, duh. Then I stayed over, because I had some drinks... might as well not risk driving, especially when there's room for me!

Then today, I left around noon, and had to get home and shower and head to secret sneakertown, aka Bodega and unfortunately, even though I was ready to drop a few hundred dollars if necessary on some new fabulous sneakers, it didn't happen! It's super small, and nothing really appealed to me, so I wandered the store, which again, is really small, about the size of my living room -- maybe! So I kept wandering the store hoping I would find *something* but unfortunately, I gave up! But, I did check it off my to-do list. There's a few other sneaker stores I found online that I can out, maybe next weekend :) Anywho, I walked around Mass Ave a little, went to a few stores, and then hopped on the train and went to Fanueil Hall and walked around -- just in time for the snow to start!! It was super pretty with all of the stores and trees decorated for the holiday and then the snow, Yaaay! I bought myself some fancy black pear tea, which I'm really excited to have tomorrow morning! And finished my shopping for Wullie and Veronica's present from America! Or so I thought, my parents came up with one more thing for me to get them to send -- they also suggested I send them some fresh clams and seaweed from Block Island, along with some sand, all of which, I said NO! Afterall, it's just going to add to the terribly insane price to ship this stuff, and who needs rotten clams, ha ha!

So yeah, in a nutshell, that was my weekend. I'm exhausted. I just did some laundry and took a bath. I meant to watch some movies that I rented, but apparently, that's going to be tomorrow's project instead!

Oh and I've added a few new tunes on my play list, you likey? Any suggestions? I really liked the idea of Survivor, but it got really annoying, the song, not the idea of it... so I canned it. Sometimes when I'm at work, I actually listen to my play list on my computer! :)

Anywho, I hope you're all well. Thank you all for the nice comments and emails. I'm glad you're all still reading and that we haven't broken up quite yet. I'm trying to blog on a more regular basis... maybe I'll get up to 3 times a week, if yer lucky!!

XO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!