Did You Know That This Is My 204th Post!!??!

Crazy I know! Sorry I've been slacking and only posting once or twice a week. I constantly am thinking about things I should write, or that I need to write, or want to vent about - usually when I'm driving, which isn't conducive to blogging - surprising, I know! Maybe I should carry a tape recorder - but I don't think it would be the same as just dumping random thoughts down like I typically do - because there would be a whole lot more editing going on, and who needs edits in cancertown, duh! :)

So what's new with me? Not a whole lot. I'm getting a little more work to do these days and am trying to keep as busy as possible while I'm there... I should probably do some more reading. I think I'm going to sign up for a feed program of some sort - I think we typically use FeedBurner, but I dunno... I heard people love BlogLines.... so we'll see. Which leads me to my next random thought - my hits have substantially dropped lately - I basically know everyone that clicks on my pages, and it's mostly people I talk to on a regular basis - ya know, my parents, and some cancer pals, and a few friends once in a while... so here's the question - are more of you reading that I know of, and you're all high tech and using feeds to read my blog, so I don't actually get hits? OR have people just stopped reading because I don't have cancer anymore - which is me and my dad's theory, and most of my friends have said the same thing... SOOOO if you're reading this, leave me a comment on this post. Feeds or not, damnit! :) And if you don't know what all this feed jargon is, then you probably don't have them set up, so nevermind, but still leave me a comment!

Back to what's going on with me.... I had lunch today with Kari today, which was good, and hilllarious. We discussed lots of randomness, from PR to Match.com. I sort of signed up to try Match.com this weekend. I got a sales email saying it was 88% off for 72 hours only. They clearly go after people when they're at their loneliest, the Saturday after Thanksgiving, thinking about the spinster life that lies ahead of them.... ha! Anywho, I don't love it so far... I tried it once before, and canceled it after a few months, and the same dudes that emailed me then, and that I said hey we're not compatible, I'm not interested, or whatever... apparently don't pay much attention, because they started emailing me again, and the funniest thing is, they have the same sad pictures up, or sketchy profile details, like I really like to watch Sci-Fi and Fantasy movies (BARF) and it blocks out their living situation because they clearly live in their parents basement playing Dungeons an Dragons until 4am every night... because they don't know it's night, duh, they're in the basement! Soo I'm going to stick with Match for a little while, it was only like $25 for 6 months, so whatever... afterall, I'm just ramping up for 2008... which is really going to be when things happen... hopefully.... and hmmm maybe someone reading this will think, oh I know the perfect single man for you, and no, he doesn't play D&D or live in his parents basement, and yes, he has two eyebrows and all his teeth (bonus!)... and if that's the case, send him my way! Afterall, I'm not in menopause anymore : )

I'm a optimist with a pinch of cynicism and a dash of fuck you :) So yeah, it's lame, and weird to admit that I signed up for Match, but some people have had luck - and it's worth a shot, right? Isn't admitting you have a problem half the battle? Ha... wait, that's AA

It was good to have PR talk with Kari, someone who knows the pre cancer Kelly - because I've forgotten so much. I've tried to describe my lack of memory as like I've been an alcoholic for 24 years, and now at 25, I've straightened up and have gotten sober, but only remember things from the past few months... I'm not an alcoholic, obviously, but that's the only way I can describe it. People will ask me about a movie and say did you see XYZ? And I did, so I say, yes, then they'll ask if I remember a specific part of the movie, but really, all I remember is that I saw the movie, but remember nothing at all about it! It's kind of eerie and scary. I hope things come back, otherwise, I'm going to have to go back to college or something! Seriously...

Anywho, other than that, not much is going on. I'm going to Maine on Saturday with Mandy to go to her pal Carolyn's Christmas cookie swap party - I'm making these (hopefully) delicious peanut butter cookies with Hershey's kisses on top - it's a mix, but that's the closest to home made you'll get from me... and last year, I went but didn't bring any cookies, and now I'm stepping it up this year, so yay! :)

Other than that, I don't have much planned. I might go try and find this "secret" sneaker store in Boston on Sunday - it's apparently a Bodega on the front, but in the back is an old school sneaker bonanza - I saw a quick shot of it on TV the other night - and there were lots of old school, colorful Nike's there... so I think I might buy myself a fabulous Christmas present. Some women love fabulous heels and boots, which I own, but I don't love any like I love my sneakers -- I think I was a guy, or an emo/punk rock kid in a previous life... either way, I'm going to buy new sneakers - I don't care if I spend $200... okay, I care, but if I love them, I might pretend I won the lottery!

Oh and I almost forgot - I've been talking to a woman from the Boston Globe who is writing a book about cancer, and chemo brain, etc. Which is kind of cool knowing someone at a major paper writing a book about a topic so close to home to me these days --- but the even cooler thing about it is that she's been interviewing me as well! As of now, she's planning on having my story as a focus of one of her chapters, and we talked today so she could get some more nitty gritty details about my treatment, and of course, hear some randomness and cancer jokes from me.... kind of cool, right?

Anywho, that's all I've got. It's already 10pm, and I started this post around 5:45 tonight, and have gotten side tracked a bajillion times already! Time to close the computer!!

XO

How I Entertain Myself

Hi everyone. I'm feeling a little better since Saturday. Still not awesome, but I'm trying to just keep busy and stay organized. On Sunday, I set my alarm for 10:30, so that I didn't sleep all day, and got up and got ready, and then I decided I would go to the Museum of Science in Boston to see the CSI: The Experience exhibit... I figured, so what if I don't have anyone to go with me, it's a friggin' museum, people go by themselves all the time in the movies :) Besides, I had been waiting for a year to go with Pat, and we've just never gotten around to it, so I was sick of waiting... it was a good way to kill an afternoon, but surprisingly, the CSI exhibit wasn't as exciting as I had expected. . I felt like it should have been more organized, and there were too many people there, especially since you had to purchase tickets in advance... I kinda just wanted to be done with it once I got inside, it was kind of lame and I felt like a loser for being by myself, yet, I was proud of myself for going anyways! I think the next time I go there, I'm going to check out the Butterfly Garden and maybe bring my camera.

After the CSI exhibit, I had a few hours left to wander the museum, but I started to lose steam pretty quickly and got really tired. So I stayed until about 4:30, watched a lightening show, and then headed to catch the train home... then I did some errands, and went home to organize the junk that had been accumulating on my counter!

I also finally tested out my new pan that I bought before Thanksgiving. I made grilled chicken, and it came out just like it was on a grill outside!!! Yay! I'm so sad it's taken me so long to buy a fancy one like it. I put some pesto and tomatoes on it, and it was sooooo good! I'm hoping to start eating at home more often, which seems to be working. I even went to the gym after work today, and then cooked a healthy dinner! My back is killing me lately though. I really need to look into finding a chiropractor or something.... if anyone has an recommendations, lemme know!

Anywho, that's the latest and greatest with me. I was exhausted today, so I'm hoping I get a good night sleep tonight.

XO

Lonely Lamb

I don't know what's going on with me the past few days, but I've just been feeling really lonely and out of touch with everything. There's so many things that trigger this, but one of the main things is that my friends continued with their lives when I was in bed for 6+ months... and basically replaced me in their lives... I've recently noticed, that if I don't call people, they don't call me - maybe they would eventually, maybe in a month or something... but I think it's lame. Sometimes I wonder if I died at my apartment, how long would it take for people to realize that I'm gone? Now that I'm back to work, I figure it would be speedier, but sometimes I think it would take people a while to realize...

I just need to keep busy lately, and I'm not. Probably part of the problem is that I was at my parents house all weekend, and it's kind of stagnating there... I usually just sleep all day there and it's kind of boring.

I'm going to just start doing things for me and stop sitting around waiting for things to happen... but this damn cancer has made me so self conscious, as well as easily tired, duh. I know 2008 is going to be a much better year for me.... a little more hair, and hopefully a little less Kelly...

Bleh. I feel a little better now that I've vented, but stuff still bothers me, I just gotta ignore it.

I hope you're all doing fabulous.

XO

Thanksgiving - What Are You Thankful For?

Hello all,

It's Thanksgiving, and I've just slept about 12 hours, which is one thing I'm very thankful for. But I've been meaning to start this post all week, but I've just been busy or forgetful... soooo

What are you thankful for this year?

• For me, it's been a very very long 2007, and I'm just thankful to be alive, sort of healthy, and to have found my cancer as early as I did.
• I'm thankful to be alive this year, almost 11 months after my diagnosis ( I know alive twice!)
• I'm thankful to have worked for a company to made sure I was always taken care of - and of course, always had an opening for me to return
• For my friends, especially the funny ones, that kept me laughing thru my tears when things got rough
• My family- especially my dad for taking me to every chemo and appointment - and just watching me sleep thru chemo
• My mom for making me chocolate cake when my steroid cravings kicked in
• My dog for taking naps with me this year - a lot of naps!
• For all the people that would email, call, or send me cards and packages to get thru this crap
• To have had such great nurses during treatment, without Tina and Paula, who knows where I'd be now
• To not be in menopause anymore
• To have learned some of my "friends" true colors this year, as painful as it was
• To have met so many amazing people this year all because I got cancer ... especially the Wullster and Veronica, Sandy. and Rosanne (aka Baldylocks)--- but of course, many, many more of you
• For cancer giving me the opportunity to make some great friends, and of course, have an excuse to travel to go visit them -- next stop, Karen in Vegas sometime this winter
• Health insurance REALLY REALLY good health insurance!!
• And, of course, still having some hair is an added bonus!

Okay, I'm sure there's more things for me to add...but for now, it's your turn!

XO

The Breakup...a little TMI

Dearest Menopause,

It's been fun, even hot and sweaty at times, but I feel it's time we should break up. Our relationship just isn't working for my 25 year old life style anymore. Please consider this us officially breaking up, until I'm about 50 when I'm sure you'll be back for another romance.

Sincerely yours,

XO

Kelly

PS In case you can't put two and two together, I finally got my period and as unexciting as it is, it's also very exciting because I don't have to say I'm in "menopause" anymore! Ha ha!

A Little R&R

It's Sunday, and I'm just laying around my apartment relaxing right now. I woke up fairly early this morning and even went to the gym -- which is actually the first time I had been to the gym since my whole relapse scare! I only went for 30 minutes, but I need to ease my way into it. I did break into a big sweat, and really that's all that matters! :) If I can get myself into the habit of going more often, it'll be great. I think part of it, is just anxiety...which is stupid and I know that, but sometimes I just feel weird going to the gym. I'm going to get a few little weights for my apartment as well, that way if I'm not feeling upto going, I can do some stuff here. Slowly but surely, I'll be wearing my old clothes again!

I got some apartment stuff on Friday which as lame as they are, I'm actually really excited about them. I bought myself this really heavy, cast iron pan that has these ridges in it like a grill, and hopefully it'll work that way. I was planning on using it tonight, but it seems that I'm going to Pat's tonight to have dinner with him and Janielle... so maybe tomorrow I can test it out :) I also got a few other apartment things, like a laundry hamper to keep me more organized, and ummm oh yeah, a bedskirt for my bed... and I think a few other things... kind of exciting miscellaneous stuff :)

As for work - the new business pitch went just okay, I think. But, I lucked out and didn't have to talk as much as planned, so yay! I had already put in 30 hours by Thursday... sooo I was really glad that on Friday, I literally did nothing for most of the day. I took a new girl out to lunch -- on the company of course -- and we went to the fanciest place I know of - The Westin in Waltham. Yummm! Then we had some wine tasting thing at work at 4, at first I just sat and watched because I don't love wine... but then I got bored, so I decided to participate... I think I only liked one wine, and I didn't even love it... apparently it's really lame to like white zinfandel, and pink champagne, ha ha! I did get a little buzz from my baby sips, so I hung out afterwards for about an hour, and then headed home. Then last night I went out to a nice Italian dinner in the North End of Boston with some girls from work, it was delicious!

So yeah, that's the latest and greatest with me. I'm heading to Longmeadow on Wednesday after work for Thanksgiving. I'm looking forward to a yummy home-cooked meal. And hopefully some apple pie :hint hint: mom :)

Okay, I hope you're all well.

XO

My Second Week - Tomorrow is Day 10!

Helllllloooo everyone! I'm alive, but very tired. I apologize for not updating you all as much as I should be. It's been a long week. I was on a New Business pitch at work, and it kinda meant that I couldn't follow my part time hours, so I've been pushing myself a little too hard, which makes me really tired and not excited about writing on my blog... .so voila! But the pitch was this morning, and it's over so I'm sure I'll be sleeping super good tonight!! I'm planning on sleeping as late as possible on Saturday as well....

Work is going good, but it's been a challenge to get adjusted, and then with this new business pitch, I had to be up to speed and work faster than I was ready for, so it was a challenge... but it was probably a good thing since I'll be able to *hopefully* transition into working on accounts a little better now since I've been eating, sleeping, and breathing this pitch - which makes me think about things that work in a public relations campaign again...

Oh and mom and dad sent me a nice bonsai tree for my desk ---okay, I might have picked it out and sent them the link and a nudge that they should get it for me, but I can't send it to myself, that would be weird! And it does brighten up my desk! It's an Azalea Bonsai, so it flowers occasionally, but not now, but something to look forward to. My next step is to get some pictures and a prettier calendar, and then work from there... my life is a work in progress... oh well :)

So really, that's the latest and greatest. I'm tired. My apartment is a mess, I'm going to go clean it now... cleaning helps me sleep better... I cleaned my closet in my bedroom a few nights ago when I should have been sleeping, but I woke up so refreshed, I'm a weirdo :)

Now I'm just trying to figure out my plans for the weekend, hopefully I have something to do... I can't be lame on the weekend! But I might just lay low on Friday, we will see.

Oh AND, I got paid today, like an official work paycheck, so it's exciting because taxes are getting taken out of it, and it's directly deposited into my bank account, so I can avoid the bank! YAY!

I hope you're all doing well, and if I owe you a phone call, email, or whatever - I might need some reminding, because I've been a busy bee!

XO

Day 5 Tomorrow

Tomorrow is my 5th day back at work!!! Crazy, huh??? Good thing is, we have Monday off because it's Veteran's Day, so I have a long weekend to sleep and sleep some more! I'm still super tired lately, but I'm starting to get in a routine. I think the hours I'm working are really great and helpful (10-4), it helps me take my time getting ready since I'm really slow at waking up - and leaving early gives me time to wind down after work. I'm typically working until a little after 4, and I'm still kinda ADD and slow about things, so I'm a work in progress. I'm gradually getting put on more projects which is great. I also moved my cubicle today, and now have a nice window view. I need to decorate it though. I need some pictures... again, a work in progress.

Other than work, I've mostly been eating, watching TV, and sleeping. I'm heading to Mandy's tomorrow night to hang out with her and Jeff. I might even have time to take a nap before I go there because I have a dermatologist appointment tomorrow afternoon - so I'm actually working 8:30-1 tomorrow. I'm hopefully also going to get a shot into my port scar to shrink and flatten it, and take away all the pain -- but they also told me it'll hurt, so I'll have to suck it up for hopefully a flat end result :)

That's all I've got going on these days. Oh, I bought a stability ball last weekend and have actually been trying to do some sit ups and get rid of my terrible stomach, a girl can dream. I'm also going to try and get a massage sometime soon... my muscles are really tight and basically, it would just be fabulous. Come to think of it, I might be able to squeeze one in tomorrow after the derm appointment. I'll call my place in the morning.

That's all for now. I'm sorry I've been MIA this week. I'll try and be better next week.

XO

My First Day

Hey everyone! I know you've all been wondering how my first day back at work was -- it wasn't bad!! :) Not as scary as I thought, but I am exhausted, and I'm thinking of going to bed around 10:30 - which is nuts! But again, I'm exhausted, and I've had a long day, so I might as well. I'm really excited about getting back into a routine again, and seeing people, and being "normal"! Yay! I'm even getting a new cubical - me and Lynda are being moved (as a pair!) so it'll be like an official fresh start!! I also found out more about what I'll be working on, which so far sounds great!! Today was pretty slow, so I cleaned out my mailbox, threw out some junk and even helped Lynda with some of her work since I need the practice anyways :)

So for now, that's all you get because I'm exhausted and I need to relax.

Tomorrow is another day!! Stay tuned for more updates! Hope you're all doing well!!

XO

Getting Settled!

Hi everyone. I haven't posted in a few days because well, I feel like I'm not supposed to be posting anymore since I'm officially in remission, but the more I think about it, this blog was done for me, so if you don't want to read anymore, that's fine, but it's still my post-cancer life, which is different than pre-cancer life... sooo .... I'm continuing!

I haven't been up to much lately. I've been REALLY tired this week! The past few days I've been sleeping until 3pm, which is NUTS! Today was a step in the right direction, I woke up around 11:30am! I think my bed at my parents place was screwing up my back along with my sleep.... so I'm glad to be back at my apartment in my own bed - which I was smart enough to wash my sheets and comforter so that when I came home I has a nice comfy bed, yay!

I'm getting more situated in my place, which is really exciting! I'm actually thinking of painting an accent wall in my apartment. Like a nice deep cozy red or orange, or maybe a green... I picked up some color swatches today and I'm going to hang them up and see which ones stand out the best. I'm also going to hang some pictures in my bedroom tonight! And soon I'm going to go replace Leon the goldfish since I'll be here permanently again! Yay!! Maybe next week. I should probably wait a little after I start work - yeah, I know it's just a goldfish, but I'm crazy!

I'm excited. It's kind of like I just moved in again! I love fall and being able to light candles and not be too warm! My apartment currently smells like McIntosh and Peach... very fall, duh. And I've been keeping my fridge fully stocked with apple cider!! Yay!

Today I also went and got my eyebrows waxed and a manicure! So far my brows look awesome! I thought I might as well! treat myself before I go back to work - and then maybe in a week or 2 get a massage or facial or something because I'm sure my body would love the relaxation! I still have some money left from a gift certificate too, yay!

That's mostly my story as of lately. I feel like I'm forgetting to post something, but I can't think of it right now. Send me lots of happy thoughts for Monday!

XO