Who Reads This?

I think you should all leave more comments so I know who's reading this these days. I can see where people are reading from sorta, but half the places I don't know anyone in... so yeah, lemme know you're reading - besides, I get email when I get comments, and email is fun, duh. xo


PS Who the hell lives in Virginia? I'm guessing I know someone that lives there because they read chemopaloooza every day, but I can't think of who it is... leave a comment my secret virginia reader.... I swear, I'll stop looking at the sitemeter soon :)

I need new pants

The other day I stumbled across this lymphoma message board that has been entertaining me for the past few days. It looks like a bunch of people read and post on it all day long. It's a little scary though, I've found other people's blogs and read about them, some people have died from Hodgkin's -- I only think of it as the cure-able cancer. I know I'm not going to die, I probably have a better chance of getting into a car accident or something - but it's a little weird to read about so many other people. Most of them are in remission and just post for fun now - I guess once a cancer fighter, always a cancer fighter.

So I'm officially gaining weight. Duh. I went and tried on some pants today - mostly because most pants I own don't fit anymore - and I'm definitely up a size. Grrr. I need to find some good looking sweat pants that I can live in. I wear the same old school Adidas pants all the time. They're not so attractive, good thing I'm not in public that much! But seriously, soon I may go find the old lady section of Macy's or something - you know those old ladies that wear the elastic waist band pants - yeah, I need those.

The countdown continues for I'm Too Young For This - it's on Saturday, starting at 8:30am at Mass Art in Boston. 8:30 sure is early, I hope it's worth it. I'm going by myself to it, I'm also hoping that that's normal so I'm not the weird cancer girl without friends. Hopefully I'll be just the opposite and make lots of cancer friends! Hopefully I can sit thru the whole thing, it's an all day event, and I'm not that good at sitting thru stuff anymore. Maybe they'll have naptime.... probably not... but I guess they provide food... another thing I hope they get right. I'm hoping it's normal food. I was told they would have "lots of good food" but who knows what that means. I almost want to bring a PB&J in my purse in case the food is weird. I'm such a bitch, but to begin with I'm a picky eater, then you tack cancer cranky stomach on top of it, well it's super picky! I'm kinda like a pregnant lady, I crave random stuff all the time - and when I want it, I want it now. Things I crave include bertuccis marghertia pizza, friendly's, chicken parm, panera (especially their balsamic dressing lately -- very specific, I know), french fries, mozzarella cheese (but I'm getting away from this), bread, peas, chocolate cake, ice cream... writing all of these things surprisingly doesn't make me hungry though.

I'm supposed to hang out with Greg tonight. I was a little wary about hanging out because I thought it meant I'd have to drive a bunch and I'm sooo not up for driving, but he said he would pick me up to hang out! Hooray for not driving! I'm not sure what we're going to do yet, but whatever, I'll get out for a little while :)

Okay, I'm done writing for now. More updates soon. XO

I'm kinda cranky and achy

Still not much new with me. I'm feeling achy today, my back and my neck mostly. I hate cancer. It sucks on days like today with the aches and everything -- I just wake up and move along the day until it's time for bed at night. I finally did get some sleeping pills yesterday, however they didn't work last night. My lovely dog thought it was a good idea to wake me up at 1:30am last night, he was trying to lay next to me, and woke me up. I was all sweaty and I couldn't go back to sleep all night. Every hour I'd wake up, and every few hours I'd get up to pee. Grr. I still heart my pup though.

My port is hurting a bit too. It feels gross, like someone could just come up to me and pull it out. I guess it'll feel better once the bruises go down, at least, I hope it will. Ugh, I can't wait to get better. It seems so far away, but hopefully I'll feel better tomorrow. It's Thursday then, I should be almost on my way tomorrow. My stomach is cranky lately too. I have weird heartburn / nausea, I just want it to be normal. It's weird how you take having a normal functioning stomach for granted. I've gained like 10 pounds since I've been sick. I'm going to have to work out like one of those healthy people when I'm better because, yeah my clothes don't fit. I'll still love pizza though :)

Look Good Minus The Feel Better

Back from Look Good, Feel Better. It was okay, nothing earth shattering amazing or anything. I did feel terrible too, you have to reserve to go to this, and there was only one black woman there, and guess what -- they couldn't find a dark makeup kit for her so they just had her watch, it was soo rude. So much for the whole Feel Better part for her. I got some good makeup and some eh makeup, most of it wasn't the right color for me, especially the foundations. I did go out and buy a real eyebrow pencil in case because they ones they showed us with were terrible and I looked like I belonged on the Munsters! I think my mom had fun too. I might try and go to another one near my apartment one of these days, but we won't tell them that :) Hopefully I'll get better colors! I was also surprised, except for one woman with lung cancer, I think I was the only non breast cancer person at the event. Kinda nuts, so much breast cancer.

I'm feeling antsy and restless again. I think I should have filled a script for some more sleeping pills. I haven't taken them in a while, but I definitely haven't been sleeping normal and I really could use some good sleep. I'm going to have to call the pharmacy tomorrow and see what I can get. Blah blah blah, that's all I got right now.

XO

I'm just writing to write right now. I'm not feeling awesome, kinda restless and antsy. I need to take a shower and do a bunch of stuff today, but I'm pretty tired. I think I need to get some more sleeping pills or something. I keep waking up at 3 or 4 am all sweaty, not fun!

Today me and my mom are going to Look Good Feel Better, hooray for free makeup. My face, however, is beat red right now, so let's hope it dies down before I need to go out. I'm also going to get my nails done, gotta keep up appearances even with cancer :) My port is still hurting, it's bearable, but it makes things awkward. My veins kinda hurt too, I think it's a mind over matter thing or something because there isn't much of a reason for them to hurt. Blah.

Well that's all I have for an update right now. Pretty boring, but I'll write more later.
XO

Rawwwr!

I'm still alive. Not a whole lot is new today. Yesterday I had to go back to the hospital to get a neulasta shot because my white blood count was low. I guess this stuff makes your bones hurt because they are producing more bone marrow, I'm really not looking forward to bone pains. Yikes! So far, so good though! The only pain I have is from my port, and it's not that painful. When I went to the hospital, Paula, my chemo nurse, took off the dressing for the port and said it looked really good, "It's the best looking port I've seen in a while!" Good to hear :) It's about time that something has gone right! Other than that I'm feeling okay, a little sleepy, but okay.

I got my first short term disability check yesterday, thankfully it's not as bad as I initially thought it would be! I'm not going to get evicted from my apartment for not paying rent or anything insane like that, HOORAY! That's a big relief!

Well that's really all I got right now. I'll have more excitement to write about soon I promise!

The Port Is In - Hoooray!

The port is in and I'm still alive, HOORAY! I hopefully have had my last arm IV for a long time today. My fingers are crossed that my arm veins will feel normal moving forward, oh I can't wait. I have to wait 24 hours to take the dressing off to know what my scar and port really look like. Maybe I'll post a picture when I'm home and have a camera ready. Moving forward for chemo I need to wear low cut slutty shirts, ha ha.

So I did the math yesterday, and June 14 should be my last chemo treatment! It's also flag day and a few days before fathers day... what a nice present for dad! 2 more chemos and I'll get retested again, hopefully this cancer has learned it's lesson, it's my bitch and it needs to get the hell outta here!

I saw an email from Karen at work (HR VP) asking people to bring in their favorite things to make up a basket for me --- that is one of the nicest things ever!!! I can't wait. The best part is, she had suggestions such as dvds, cds, etc and then said "Some of Kelly's favorite things are hair products and candy cigarettes!" HA HA HA HA I love that the entire agency read that! I miss going to work, but it was definitely good to see a few folks the other day, it helps me feel normal again.

Anywho, I'm feeling semi normal right now. My left side is a bit painful because of the surgery. They prescribed me perkasetes but I'm going to try to avoid taking them because they're not only addictive, they can also constipate you like whoa. And seriously, I don't need that. Duh.

Okay almost time for bed. I'll write more tomorrow. PS I'm not sure if I mentioned this, but Look Good Feel Better on Monday -- hooray!

PPS Some more exciting news, my mom and dad bought me a little stuffed lamb at the gift shop today, best part is...it baaahhhs!!

XO

I love you like wax lips and candy cigarettes

It's hillllarious!! I finally got the picture thanks to Sydne and her McGyver tactics! How creepy do me and my BFFi look. Hopefully my hair won't look like his any time soon :) I kinda look like Michael Jackson, ha ha. I hope that goes on the employee picture wall, just so everyone knows how glamorous I am.

I just got back from physical therapy, gotta love getting "free" massages and lifting a few weights. I slept really crappy last night, I'm pretty sure it's the Valtrex. It makes me soooooooo nauseous, it's ridiculous. I woke up at 3am in major stomach pain. I didn't know what to do with myself. I decided to Google Valtrex to see if I could find any suggestions on what to do for the pain, but not so much. So then I just took some more ativan and compazine and hoped that I would pass out - I eventually did, but couldn't get out of bed for PT. I slept until like 12. What a slacker!

I'm starting to get a little nervous about tomorrow with getting the port and doing chemo when I'm already feeling nauseous... not a good sign. I need to figure out what bland food I'll be having for dinner tomorrow, I also need to get a sandwich to bring. In the hospital they have an Au Bon Pan, and I swear I will never eat there again. I hate the food and everything there makes me think of feeling like crap... so if you ever want to meet for lunch at ABP, I hope you like eating by yourself :)

XO

Busy Busy Bzzzz

Today I talked to the woman that books the surgeries, and she said that they're going to put me under for my port operation. Kinda strange to me since I didn't go under for my biopsy surgery. They also said that Nurse Dave doesn't work in that type of surgery, so he won't be there, sad lamb! We gave it a good try though!!

I'm feeling kinda nauseous from the lovely Valtrex. Tina said it really works your kidneys and to just drink lots. Still loopy though :( Fuckin' herpes!

Today I had lunch with some peeps from work. It was good to get out and see everyone and hear all about what's going on in the office. I also made sure to bring my BFFi 5 packs of candy cigarettes, just to get him thru the next couple weeks! ha ha I even feel like I looked pretty normal today, which is always exciting!

I'm trying to jam in hanging out with everyone while I'm feeling up to it this week. I'm going to dinner with Nicole tonight for pizza...we love it! It's much needed. I'm leaving in a few minutes actually. I should probably put some real pants on instead of pj pants :)

I'll write more soon.

XO

I'm Itchy!!

Grrrr. I hate these stupid shingles! I'm thinking they might be spreading to my stomach, I have another weird patch of itchy bumps there. I thought the damn herpes medication would make it stop spreading. I'm crossing my fingers that when I wake up in the morning the bumps are gone. You should cross your fingers too.

I'm exhausted from being busy the past two days. I need to go make my bed (I heart clean sheets!) and finally sleep in my own bed! It should be spectacular! Tomorrow I'm going to meet work peeps for lunch including my BFFi (best friend forever infinity), yeah we yell it across the office, it's weird but we're so BFFs. I'm still waiting to see our "employee picture" which is us with wax lips, it's awesome but I've been waiting forever for them to download it - hint hint.

Okay off to bed. Fingers cross that the shingles don't spread!!
XO

To Port Or Not To Port?

So I've come to the decision that I'm going to get a port-a-cath put in on Thursday. With the insanity that went down during my catscan I don't think my veins can take any more. A port-a-cath is like an IV that's in your chest at all times (well until they take it out) and it goes into a big vein instead of the tiny ones in my arms. I was really hesitant to get one because it's still day surgery and since my shoulder got screwed up from my biopsy surgery I haven't been excited about going under the knife again. I decided the pluses out weigh the minuses and in goes the port. Apparently I get to use it for chemo that day, it should be interesting. I asked Tina, my nurse practitioner, if they could request a specific nurse as well - the same nurse from my biopsy surgery, I call him Nurse Dave, mostly because I have no clue what his last name is. He was super funny and told me jokes the whole time I was under the knife -- and I was freaking out the whole time, I didn't know you get to be awake for that shit! Nurse Dave was great, he realized that if no one was talking to me, I'd start crying - so he talked to me the whole time and told me jokes -- AND the weirdest thing was, we talked about San Francisco, and as most of you know, I have REALLY awesome sneakers from there and went back and bought more

Anywho - the first thing I usually say about SF is that I got awesome sneakers there, and instead Nurse Dave said the same thing! Love it!

So I'm trying again with the Look Good Feel Better, this time in Springfield on Monday. My mom is going to come with me too, so that should be fun. Like I said in my previous posts, free makeup, I'm soo there.

I'm in a good mood today. I'm back in Burlington for the week. Did a bunch of errands and am having a Pat and Kelly night of fun tonight - very much needed. Yesterday I went to Uncle Donald's for the St. Patrick's Day Parade, I didn't actually go to the parade though, I just stayed at his house with most of the family -- it was really cold and he has a huge flat screen so it was like we were there :)

This is all for my updates today, I'm sure I've got more to write about but, eh I got stuff to do.

PS I noticed a lot more people are reading this, which makes me super happy! Feel free to leave comments so I know you're reading :)

XO

My Back Is A Giant Slut

So last night I noticed this itchy patch of skin on my back, kinda felt like an acne breakout - which is all too common these days - so I went to bed and thought it would be gone in the am. I woke up and it was itchier and felt bigger so I showed it to my parents. They said it wasn't acne and it looked like a rash. I called the on call oncologist at NEMC and she said I should go to the ER to get an official determination of what it is, but that it sounded like shingles. Yep, it is. I have herpes on my back, also called herpes zoster or shingles.

Apparently they hurt when you have them, but so far mine only itch. Just one more weird thing to happen to me lately. They last for a few weeks and they prescribed my valtrex, like in those genital herpes commercials, how gross and of course, random.

Just wanted to make sure you all got the update, my back has become a giant slut and has caught herpes!

XO

Like Chicks With Cancer?

Wouldn't it be funny if I made a dating profile and made my headline "Like Chicks With Cancer?" I'm not really going to do it, but it would be funny. Maybe I should start a cancer dating site... still kidding.

I'm looking forward to I'm Too Young For This it's 2 weeks away now. I'm really hoping there will be some cancer friends to make there. Maybe some free stuff too - who doesn't love free stuff? I'm really glad it's on one of my good weekends. I was told people go wearing shirts that say Cancer Sucks... it so does. Maybe I should bring candy cigarettes to the event, ya know in case anyone is young and somehow has lung cancer?

XO

Diapers would make cancer more expensive

I suppose I'm lucky. I've read about other people doing chemo and they get really sick, throwing up and the whole nine yards. Me, I haven't. I get headaches, body aches, muscle aches, stomach aches, scalp aches, vein aches, teeth aches, constipated, tired, hair loss, but so far it's all bearable, though depressing. I'd say lately, I sleep about 2/3 of the day. I'll wake up, eat something, stay up for a few hours and go right back to bed for another 3-4 hours, wake up, eat and stay up for a few more hours, then back to bed. I think it's similar to being a baby. If I start wearing diapers this cancer thing is going to get expensive!

It's kinda weird that even my teeth hurt. Who knew!? I thought it was my toothpaste until I did some trusty Google searches. Seriously, what would I do without Internet?

I keep thinking about this time last year and what I was doing. I was actually interviewing for a job in San Fran and was getting back to normal after not having much of a life while I was at LPP. I was really busy and happy then. Lots of new things happening. I can't wait for my 25th birthday to come. By then, I'll be better and hopefully life will be back to normal. I wish I could just go into chemo coma and wake up and just be better.

I know this whole cancer thing will just be a blip on my life when I look back, it just sucks that it takes so long to get over it. Still I'm lucky, it could be much worse.

I'm looking forward to Sunday. It's the St Patricks Day Parade. Every year we go to my uncle's house for food and the parade - and to just get together. It'll be good to see everyone there. I'm not sure who will be there, but a lot of them have been either calling me or sending cards, so it'll be good to see them in person. It's tough for me to make phone calls to people lately. I'm sick of telling everyone how I am, or explaining stuff over and over - it gets frustrating and depressing. So sometimes, I just don't answer the phone or I just don't call them back right away until I'm in a good mood or something. It's good to hear from everyone don't get me wrong - it's just tough to dole out my updates. It was easier when I was working and doing more, but now I don't have much news and the news I do have isn't that exciting. But still keep the calls, emails, and whatever else coming. They do cheer me up, just know it might take me a little while to get back to you.

Seriously, one huge party when I'm better. There will be party hats, streamers, champagne, a pinata, chocolate cake, you name it - if it's awesome, it'll be there!



Oh yeah, and so will this dude... ha ha

You Look Fabulous!

I was talking to my dad last night about how much my hair was falling out - and he made a good point, if it's going to fall out, it's going to whether you touch it or not. So today I took a shower and washed it like I used to, and even blow dried it! I haven't done that in weeks. It doesn't look as bad as it has been. My head kinda hurts, like the scalp itself, but still I might keep it up and just say screw it! And blow dry it all the time until it's gone. I was starting to convince myself to shave it - and honestly, it still might happen, but at least today it looks fairly normal! :)

XO

I Hate CT Scans

Yesterday was CT scan day. I realized the night before that I didn't have any instructions on whether I was supposed to fast or not before the test. I'm really loving the chick that schedules my appointments (insert sarcasm here). I tried calling the hospital the night before, but no one could tell me because the CT place was closed. So they said just call at 8am. So I called at 8 to find out that I could only eat until 8:30 - so I scrambled to finish getting ready so I'd have time to eat something. I'm still staying at my parents house so I had to drive an hour and a half to my appointment. I had to be there for 11am. Now, apparently, the first CT scan I had wasn't as thorough because I didn't have to drink anything for it, just get injected with a dye that makes you feel like you're peeing, no big. So when I got to the hospital and they asked me what I wanted to drink and they told me I'd be drinking 5 cups of it - I was not excited.

I wasn't feeling good to begin with, but it was supposed to be a really nice day (70 degrees!) and I was pushing myself into a good mood on my way there. Then I found out I had to drink a ton of juice... not exciting. So I chose fruit punch -- you have to drink 2 cups right away and then 1 cup every 30 minutes. I barely got the first cup of fruit punch down, I went back to the front desk and said this isn't going to work. They said people like the orange juice and to try that -- and that the fruit punch was bad. Yeah awesome. So I drank my OJ, it was still painful, and honestly, that much acid in my stomach doesn't sound like the best idea.

Then it was IV time. My veins were (and still are) hurting a lot so I warned them that it can be difficult to do the IV. My veins totally need a break from poking. So the woman that had taken me to put my IV in had gone and got someone else that is better at IVs. The girl had no problem getting the IV in once she prepped and we tapped it on with paper tape because I'm allergic to the other stuff they give you. The first lady came back and brought me to the CT scan, she was older and I just assumed she'd been doing this for a long time. She was weird and I should have known better though. I'm sitting on the bed thingy that slides thru the catscan and she's grabbing at my IV (WHILE I'M MOVING!!) and she ends up pulling it out!!!!!!!!!! I was soooooo mad, and I started crying. I screamed "What are you doing!!?!" and she made up some excuse about wrapping my IV around my finger -- who does that while the catscan is friggin' moving! JERK! The dye squirted out everywhere too! She quickly disappeared. Meanwhile, I'm freaking out because I don't feel good and I know they have to put another IV in me now! It took 2 more tries and 20 more minutes to get another IV in. What a terrible morning. All I wanted to do was go home. I have a feeling I might try to go to Dana Farber or somewhere else for the next one.

Another thing I tend to do when I'm feeling bad is eat food that is bad for me - or that will make me feel worse. I like to think of it like a dog trying to make itself sick by eating grass, except I'm eating french fries. I got some greasy lunch and went to my apartment to get my mail and take a nap.

I had plans to meet Mandy for our fat kid bonanza last night. We went to the Olive Garden, yumm, and ate like it was going out of style. It was good to catch up with her. I'm totally losing my funness these days, so it's good when I actually get out and see people.

How much I love shampoo

Just thought I'd throw up a picture that shows how much I heart shampoo... yep, it's ALL mine.

The aches

They've started early, the aches are back. Usually I get them around 6pm on Tuesdays after chemo, but they hit right before bed last night, and they're TERRIBLE. Headaches, muscle aches, you name it, it hurts. It's weird how it takes the chemo a few days to hurt my muscles, but they always hurt eventually. Mostly my upper body hurts, especially my arm pits, weird places for aches, but it's the truth. Blah. I hate the aches. I'm hoping they wear off sooner since they started sooner, but it's doubtful. I guess the chemo builds up and the effect of everything gets greater. So I'm guessing the aches will just start sooner and sooner until I'm hurting while I'm getting chemo - please cross your fingers it doesn't happen like that though!

Back to hiding in my bed with my pup.

XO

Dear Zofran, oh how you help and hurt

As much as I love my anti nausea drugs, they really screw me up at the same time. Zofran is great, it keeps me from throwing up (knock on wood), but the crappy thing is, it makes you the most constipated person ever. I mean it's war between me and Zofran. I have to start taking laxatives the night before chemo, just to get a running start. It makes me want to never eat again.

Then there's the decadron, it's good. It supposedly does a bunch of stuff, another anti nausea drug, but also makes me eat and is a steriod. It's definitely made me gain about 10 pounds. Yep, I had to go out and buy new pants because my favorite ones don't fit anymore :( The other thing about the decadron, it makes my face beet red. It's weird. I'm not a fan, but I can survive. The other thing decadron is supposed to help with is my vein pains - and oh I get them bad. I'd be pissed if I were my veins too. Pushing toxic chemo drugs thru them for about 6 hours. My veins KILL. I try to knock the pain out with decadron and strong ibuprofen, but mostly I just have to wait until they calm down about a week later.

There's also the compazine and ativan. I'm not too sure what compazine does other than again preventing nausea. But ativan is good. It makes me sleep thru chemo and knocks me out at night. I sleep a lot. I wish I had more motivation to do stuff, but mostly I just take naps.

My hair is still falling out in semi-clumps. It's really annoying and makes me dread showering. I try not to wash it every day, the more washing the more falls out. I started again hanging it on the wall of the bathroom at my parents house - it's pretty gross. Two days worth of hair and it looks like someone just cut a ton of hair off and hung it on the wall. I can't believe I have 4 more months of this crap to deal with. I'm never going to last with all of my hair. I'm sick of the headaches and the vein aches and the hair loss, and I just want it to be over. June is a long time to wait until. And apparently, even if I'm done with chemo, I still can feel like crap for a while after it's over, they said up to 6 months after! I'm totally taking myself on a vacation when cancer is over. And of course throwing myself a party. But mostly a vacation.

Sorry this is so cranky, but that's just how I'm feeling these days - cranky.

XO

Canceled...no more looking good

So I just got a call saying tomorrow nights Look Good Feel Better is canceled because not enough people signed up. Grrr to you American Cancer Society! I was looking forward to this all week.

Look good, free makeup?

On Tuesday I'm planning on going to Look Good Feel Better - I found an event happening at The Wellness Community. Hopefully it'll be good. I was told you get expensive makeup for free, which is always a good thing. I have no idea what else you do, I think they teach you how to wear wigs or something, but I don't own one - and hopefully won't. I took a shower today and a good amount of hair fell out, I really hate it. There's no way I'm going to last four more months. Grrr.

On Wednesday I have to go finish my tests and get my CT. Then I'll be officially done with my tests, even though I already know the outcome. I'm guessing I'll stay at my apartment on Tuesday and Wednesday night and probably come back to my parents house on Thursday.

I don't have much else to write. I'm pretty bored these days. Anyone have any hobby suggestions? And not reading because that's just boring as well.


I'll write more later when I have something to write about.

Not the best news

So yesterday I went for a doctors appointment before chemo. We were supposed to go over my recent PET scan and breathing test. Unfortunately, the PET scan showed that there is still more cancer in my chest and it looks like we're not halfway yet. Most likely, I'll be doing 4 more months of treatment. I'll get retested in 2 more months, but they said most likely it'll still be 4 months. I'm so disappointed. I really thought it would all be gone. It sucks too, one of the first shallow things that popped into my head was that I'll probably be bald by the end of 6 months, and I don't want to. It makes me feel normal to have hair and I don't want it gone.

Yesterday was such a long day of me crying and being miserable. To top it off, we had to switch my IV to the other arm because my vein started hurting and the fluids weren't moving fast enough.

I can't wait for cancer to be over.

The ads

I signed up to have AdSense ads on my blog, I didn't know what they would be like, but I'm actually kinda impressed. Most of the time they're pretty relevant to what I'm writing about and they actually look like stuff I would want to click. Maybe I will actually make some cash off of them :)

Frustrations

So since I've had more free time lately, I've been trying to find things to do - especially things for people my age with cancer - and other than the Wellness Community http://www.wellnesscommunity.org/index.html there isn't anything. I've looked for blogs, websites, events and I don't know where everyone in the Boston area with Hodgkin's are hiding! It supposedly happens to people either my age or in their 50s, and I've sorta found the people in their 50s -- yeah they're at the Wellness Community -- but I don't know where the people my age are hiding.

The Wellness Community seems pretty great, they offer support groups, yoga, painting and other stuff there - I just happened to find it the day they were doing the Lymphoma support group, however, it only happens once a month. There were only 3 other people in the support group, and each of them had at least 20 years on me. I mean, don't get me wrong, we still had a lot in common - but I'm definitely in a different place in my life than they are. They said more people used to come to the group, but it had slowed down lately. I just looked at the calendar of events there http://www.wellnesscommunity.org/calendar.html and it looks like they're doing a Look Good Feel Better next Tuesday. I was hoping to find one to go to this month but I'm disappointed that it's on Tuesday, I usually start to feel like crap on Tuesday nights so I'm going to want to hide out at my parents house and not be out and about. Sad lamb.

So anyways, back to my frustration. So I've emailed the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society asking what they're doing in the area, and also kinda said I'd like to talk with them about doing something. I mean sheesh. All of these places do tons of fundraisers - I actually interviewed with the Society right after I got out of college - they do the Team In Training marathons and make tons of money - so I'm wondering what the money is used for? I also emailed Look Good Feel Better because their website is terrible, there isn't a listing of the events - so how the hell are you supposed to know when to go!!? So far, both haven't gotten back to me. It's pretty frustrating to sift thru all of the clutter online.

I'm really hoping to meet some people at the I'm Too Young For This event on March 31st. I'm also hoping people find this blog and contact me to organize stuff. I think I'm going to try and meet with someone from the Wellness Community at some point. They said they used to have a Young Adults support group - but no one would go because it was at 6pm on weekday - but my thought is, if you have cancer there's a good chance you're not working, so what are you doing?!

Stay tuned for updates.

XO

An Ode To Shampoo

Oh how I love shampoo. It's an obsession of mine, really anything that smells good, but especially shampoo. I'm hoping my hair sticks around but at the rate it's falling out, I'm thinking I'll be spending lots of money to wash my scalp. I decided that every time I take a shower I'm going to hang the hair that falls out on the wall, sorta as a gauge as to how much is falling out. I was going to take a picture, but the hair dried and fell off :) Stay tuned.

I decided to go to my parents house. I think I'm going to sorta move back here until everything is over. I'm going to go crazy if I live by myself while I'm sick. I stayed home last week and was bouncing off the walls. To top it all off, they found ecoli in the water in Woburn and it just so happens that since my apartment in on the Woburn line, we use Woburn water! So from Friday - Sunday night, I couldn't use the water like normal people. They said not to brush your teeth, or do dishes, wash food, etc with the water -- "especially people with compromised immune systems" ahem, that'd be me. Needless to say, it was annoying. I had to stay so I could do a breathing test on Monday - chemo can screw up your lungs, lovely huh?

It's good to be at my parents house, my dog entertains me and loves to take naps!

My story

So here’s a little of my back story since I’m starting my blog a little late. I was diagnosed with stage two Hodgkins Lymphoma December 21, 2006. (I just felt a little like Doogie Howsier while writing that). I had just moved to an awesome new apartment, started a new job, was getting settled, and then found these weird lumps on my neck. I thought nothing of them and just thought they would go away on their own. I found out that I had an appointment that I had scheduled months ago to meet my new primary care doctor – so I went. While I was there I casually showed her the lumps, and she even brought another doctor in to look too – they both thought they were fatty tumors. They sent me to get xrays and a catscan and then to a general surgeon – I went to the surgeon on my lunch break – not thinking anything could be wrong. I had been calling my doctor for the past 2 days, waiting for my CT scan results – and everyone was saying, “Hey, no news is good news” so I went to the surgeon. He felt around and thought the same fatty tumor thoughts – then I made him read the CT results I had sent to him since my doctor was ignoring me – he got super serious and quiet. The nurse had to talk to me while he read the results so I wouldn’t freak out even more. He then told me we had to talk in his office, and that’s when he told me they thought I had cancer. The rest is a blur, I had a biopsy surgery and was diagnosed right before Christmas. Oh yeah, and I got a new doctor.

One of my first thoughts was – I’m not going to be able to be as fun as I am. So, I threw myself a party. One last hoorah of drinking and being crazy before chemo – pre-chemopalooza! If you throw a palooza at the end of anything it’s always better! I invited everyone I knew for the Saturday before I started chemo. I’m pretty sure those that came had a blast (to see pictures check it out here http://community.webshots.com/user/kellyk9999 ) I know that I drank a whole bottle of pink champagne and was hilllarious, so all was good in my book. Most people had tons of stories from the party and are still talking about it, so it was a success in my book. I think I missed my calling – I should become a party planner for cancer patients. I’ll throw parties, make t-shirts, provide candy cigarettes and tacky wigs – it’ll be great! It still might happen. My master plan was to make t-shirts, chemopalooza t-shirts, probably a picture of a sad lamb on the front, and then on the back I would put my scheduled chemo dates – like tour dates, and cross out the ones that happened already or put sold out… it still may happen, I just haven’t found a good site yet and I’m cheap.

My goal was to be the funniest cancer patient. I think I’m doing pretty good on being funny, but it’s starting to wear on me. When my hair started falling out a few weeks ago it officially hit me that I have cancer and I’m not normal like everyone else. I’ve got really good hair, it’s super thick and I’m obsessed with hair products so my plan was just that it won’t fall out. It’s still my plan, but it starting to fall out made it feel a lot more real.

I just finished my 4th chemo treatment on February 22. I still haven’t gotten pukey sick like everyone talks about. I’ve actually even gained a few pounds, who knew! I remember when I was told I had stage 2, they asked me if I had lost a bunch of weight, which I hadn’t, and they said that I probably won’t then. I was pissed. At least let me be super skinny with cancer, sheesh! What a scam. Apparently, if I was stage 2b (instead of 2a) you lose all sorts of weight and get itchy…. I guess if I only found it later, ha ha.
4 treatments out of 8-12 isn’t bad. I’m considering this my half-way point until I find out otherwise. Tomorrow I’ll be getting re-tested with another PET scan to see if the cancer is gone. I’m hoping it is. As awesome as it is to be half-way, it feels like I should be done by now, and I still have at least 2 months left! I’m sucking it up, I’m a trooper. I just hope my hair sticks around until the end. If it gets to the point where I have to shave it, my dad said he would shave it with me, I think there might even be a few more people too. But like I said, the plan is that it’s staying.

In a nutshell, that’s my story. I’m finding myself with LOTS of free time now. I just started officially being out of work until I’m better. That’s at least 2 months!!! I need things to do. If you have any ideas, let me know. Or if you find my blog and want to share, please do. OR if you live in MA and want to organize something.... in other words, if you read this, let me know I’ll post more soon.

XO

Welcome!

Welcome to Chemopalooza! Hopefully my site provides a glimpse of my life, humor and how I'm kicking cancer's ass. Please check back for more updates soon.

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