Quick Kelly Update

Just a quick little update for you. I'm pretty sure I'm heading to Block Island tomorrow with my mom for a few days. I'm also pretty sure that I'm getting sick :( I was feeling feverish, achy, with a sore throat and then I started coughing - and I even coughed up some phlegm with blood - yuck! I'm feeling a little better now, and I'm still planning on going to Block Island as long as I'm not any worse. Cross your fingers!! Right now, I'm planning on taking a nap before I head back to their house.

Yesterday I went to the Wellness Community to do an "intake meeting" which is what you do before you join a weekly support group -- but we decided I didn't really want to do the weekly support group for now and that I might start seeing someone for 1-on-1 instead. So anywho, we still talked for about an hour, and at the end I mentioned that I thought they should offer a blog training session since having my blog has been so helpful for me --she loved the idea!! She is going to propose it to everyone and hopefully it'll happen in either November or December. How fun!!! I'll be sure to keep you all posted on it, because I'll be teaching it :)

So anywho, I'm not going to bring my computer with me to Block Island, so you'll have to wait a few days to hear from me.

XO!

Thank You Wullie and Veronica!!!

I've been waiting for more info to give you all this update, and today I got it! So are you all know the lovely Wullie and Veronica are obviously some of the nicest cancer warriors there are (yes Veronica, you are too!!). They sent me an email about planning something for my birthday and then sent me this the other day while I was on Block Island:

Right then, Kelly, my friend. We have sorted your present out. It is a combined birthday and "thank-you for keeping me going and giving Veronica support through transplant" present. I've arranged a pampering session here : http://www.theplatinumdoor.com/ It was the only place I could find near Burlington that looked good and they have promised me on pain of death that they will look after you. I've spoken to Beth and they seem real nice... here's a snip from my initial email enquiry....

"William--We will make sure to take good are of her. This business was founded because one of our owners lost her husband to cancer. We also have a massage therapist who battled back from stage 4 stomach cancer and just celebrated her 5th year anniversary with a clean bill of health. You will be sending her to the right place. "

I think they'll understand the shite we've been through. You should get a call from them in the next few days to arrange times etc. I hope you don't mind us doing this... well it's tough if you do as it's done now! You've been such a rock to us even with you going through the same shit that you deserve a little self indulgence.

So today I got back to my apartment and immediately checked my mail and there was a letter from the owner saying I will be getting a: facial, massage/body scrub with lavender, manicure and pedicure and lunch! So pretty much a fabulous day of Kelly! They said I will be there for 4 hours which is pretty exciting! Thank you so much Wullie and Veronica for planning this treat for me, I'm really looking forward to it! Also, as I said in my email, you never have to thank me for support, you guys have been with me the whole time too! :)

Today I was driving back from fighting my speeding/expired inspection sticker ticket (which I played the cancer card and won -- but it soo needed to be used as it was really my excuse) and decided to try and find the spa - which I did! It was a pretty slow day for them, so one of the owners actually walked me around and showed me all of the rooms - which were really nice! Sometimes spas have nice websites, but when you get there, it's kinda yucky -- but not this place, hooray!! They helped me pick all of the best folks for my spa day, which will be on Friday, September 7th! Oh since they provide lunch too, I asked what it was, making sure it wasn't some sort of weird bagged lunch or weird healthy spa crap :) And it was takeout from a yummy sounding italian place, and of course, they even serve chicken parm :) Ha ha!

Thanks again Veronica and Wullie, you are both so awesome and thoughtful! :)

XO

What a nice view!

What a fabulous beach day! Here's a picture from my seat on the beach -- see the ferry going by :)

I had a jam-packed day! First I need to share an update from bed time last night --- we've decided that Bailey is super nervous here with just me because he thinks I'm his new owner or something, so now he follows me all around the house! So when it was bed time, he hopped in my bed which he usually does -- but he usually leaves after an hour or so and sleeps on the floor, but not last night! I woke up a couple times with him sprawled out in the bed with me, and at one point we were sleeping butt to butt -- he never left the bed!! What a ham!

We (me and Bailey) woke up early and went to the beach so he could get a swim in, and it was super nice! I should have brought my camera, but still it was good and the dog even behaved himself and carried his tennis ball all around the beach the whole time! Then we came home and relaxed for a bit, I had some breakfast, then got ready to go back to the beach! I stayed at the beach until about 5ish and then got some takeout, showered and then went to the movies with Judy, Joyce and their friend Roberta to see the Nanny Diaries -- it was cute and funny, a very summery movie. After the movies we went to have a drink, they all got fancy flaming coffees and I got a cosmo because I'm not much of a coffee gal -- holy cosmo!, damn they're strong!! Seriously, after about 3 sips I was buzzed, 5 sips drunk :) Now I'm back at the house, I just walked the dog and am getting ready for bed to do it all over again tomorrow! Tomorrow we're going to leave on a late afternoon boat -- maybe 6 or so. Oh and I've finally called to figure out when my Dana Farber appointment is -- it's this Tuesday, so hopefully I'll have some more insight. Hope this all makes sense, I know it's a bit of a ramble! But so far, it's just what I needed, so R&R at the beach with my little lamb! :)

Anywho, that's all I got for now!

XO

I'm On Block Island!!

Just a quick update since I'm exhausted! I'm on Block Island now with Bailey (the pup), the weather is super nice, I just wish I had gotten here sooner. Oh and my dog knows that he totally owns me, you know what he did when he got out of the car when we parked to go catch the ferry? He almost peed on my friggin' suitcase! He lifted his leg and ended up peeing like 2 inches from my suitcase! What a bastard! Of course it was also really funny, so whatevs.

Judy picked us up at the boat and took us to her house to pick up our car that we left there. I drove it back, but of course it was making this ridiculous beeping sound the whole way home, like it was going to stall, and it had the break light on, but the breaks weren't on, so I dunno. It must be pretty funny for people to have me drive by them with my car beeping like crazy! :) Oh and then I went to Joyce and Charlie's house for dinner, we even had fresh tomatoes from their garden and they were sooooo good! I wish I had brought my camera over their house because there was an awesome full moon, and it looked amazing over the ocean! Hopefully I can get some cool pictures tomorrow, and hopefully Bubby doesn't kill me in my sleep because he misses his parents! I'm going to try and bring him to the beach early tomorrow morning, but if you know me, you'll know there's a pretty good chance that that won't happen because I suck at sleeping these days :(

Anywho, all of our house stuff is locked up, and of course my parents sent me with the wrong key to the attic, so I'm washing up some blankets for my bed now - and it's 12:30, whoops. I gotta go switch over my laundry.

Stay tuned for more Block Island fun.

XO

The Big 2-5 Is 2 Weeks Away

It's funny, when I was going thru chemo I couldn't wait until my 25th birthday because I knew that would mean that I would be done with chemo, cancer free and feeling better. Well my birthday is 2 weeks away and yes I'm feeling a little better than during chemo, but I still don't feel awesome, and I still don't know if I'm done with cancer. It's so frustrating. I'm pretty much living in denial right now because there is nothing else I can do. I'm not a fan of denial or the land of limbo, but there's not much else I can do right now. Anyways, I'm going to be 25 in 2 weeks, it's freakin' crazy! Who would have thought by 25 I would have gone thru all of this crap!

Anywho, what else... I'm debating on going to Block Island for a few days - maybe starting tomorrow. I have to be back on Wednesday so I can go fight that ticket, grr. And of course, Wednesday looks like the best beach day so far! I'm kinda lazy though - my body has been really achy and I haven't been sleeping well for the past few days. My feet were swollen too. I'll figure out if I'm going when I wake up in the morning since I would still have to pack and stuff. I want to bring my pup too, but he likes to growl at little children on the ferry, so we'll see. PS right now he's snoring on my bed next to me. I took him for a little walk tonight and I think that's why he's being nice to me and snuggling :)

Oh and I was doing some thinking about my itchies, and now I'm starting to wonder if I have the hodgkin's "itch" -- I asked some folks on the lymphoma board and they all have different explanations of their itch when they had it. I'm going back to the dermatologist on Friday so I'm going to mention this though -- hopefully they don't think I'm a crazy hypochondriac- but the spots on my leg haven't gotten any better. Brian mentioned that there is a derm at Yale that specializes in the hodge itch, so if I don't get any more insight, I might be going to him. My fingers are starting to dry up though, so that's exciting. They're now kinda sandpaper-ish, hopefully I can stop using the steroid soon and start using hand cream instead.

So yeah, not much else is going on with me. Stay tuned for more updates.

XO

Dear Kareoke - XO!

***Old picture of me and Jeff doing kareoke pre-chemo.***


So today started as just a sleepy blah day, but then I ran out to get milk before Mandy, Jeff and Scott came to pick me up and I finally got to meet my across the hall neighbors on my way in!! AND I got to re-meet their pups which are the cutest EVER!!! I of course offered up myself to walk, entertain or whatever with the pups as needed, they probably were thinking "Okay crazy lady I've never met that has been stalking us!" ha ha ha!

So then Mandy, Jeff and Scott came over, we had a couple beers (left overs from Chemopalooza part deux - yay more room in my fridge!!) and then went to Steve's birthday party at a bar in Lowell. Surprisingly, it was super fun! Usually on Steve's birthday bash he's pretty sloppy drunk by the time we arrive, but this year he was doing pretty good - and the best part, the was kareoke!!!!!! YAY! We all did the kareoke staple, Love Shack, then we me and Mandy did You're So Vain (not the easiest song!) and then me, Jeff and Scott did Bad Medicine - but by then they were pretty drunk :) And yes, I actually had 2 beers, I figured I had earned it this week- screw the eczema! Weird thing about the beers though, before I had cancer my nose would get super itchy when I would drink beers -- freakishly itchy, and only my nose and only with beer, and not all the time. Anyways, it happened again tonight, whacky I know.


Anywho, I just thought I would share my story of my fun kareoke night, old school style!

Oh and one more thing, Scott told me the worst pick up line ever - "Once I caught a fish this big (hands a little bit apart), then I caught a fish this big (hands further apart), until I caught a fish THIS big (puts arm around you)." TERRIBLE! Ha haa ha ha!

XO

Happy Birthday Dad and Bubby!!!!

Wow, I'm exhausted!!! I went on the work outing yesterday, which was pretty amusing and tiring. It was a super gloomy day, only in the low 70s. We took a bus to the Essex River and did a little cruise and then they drop you off at a beach (it looks NOTHING like the pictures) and so we get to the "beach" and it's this wet, little "island" in the middle of the river. Yep, it was totally soaked and smelly like low tide! Really funny, but also kinda yucky and gross. Thank god I wore flip flops so I could just take em off. So then they actually cook the food for you at the beach, but everyone was starving when we got there around noon. They started serving beer and wine right away, but didn't feed us until about 2pm. Needless to say, I didn't drink any booze because I would have been WASTED! I did play a little volleyball, but it was kind of gross too, since we were all getting covered with sand and yuckiness. After that, everyone just kinda stood around and mingled, I wish we brought something like trivia or something to make it more social, but whatevs. It was still good for me to get out and be social and see people. And surprisingly, I didn't start crying once, hoooray! By the time we got back to the office I was beat! They had a softball game last night too, but I was too tired to play or watch, so I just went home to relax on my couch. I went to bed at my normal midnight-ish time, but I slept and slept some more, and didn't really get up until 1pm today, whoops! I'm actually still exhausted and I might take a little nap before I go out with Mandy, Jeff and Scott to Steve's birthday bonanza -- I even heard there might be kareoke!!!!

Oh and I of course couldn't forget that it's my dad and my dog's birthday today!!!! HOORAY! I just talked to my mom and she's giving the pup a birthday bath so that I can come home and pet him and not worry about getting more itchies incase he had them! YAY! I'm going to go home tomorrow to celebrate a day late, but good enough :) Then I was thinking I might go to Block Island at some point, our house is done being rented - and I could even bring the dog!! We'll see though, I have to go fight a expired inspection sticker ticket from the day before my first chemo -- I would have just paid it, but he also said I was speeding, so my insurance might go up. But seriously, you think the guy would have accepted the cancer card since it was sooo true then. I got pulled over because of my inspection sticker being expired for about a week - of course I had no clue since I was busy finding out I had cancer, and even told the police officer that, but he didn't care he still gave me a ticket. So now, I have to go fight it on August 30th. FUN!

Anywho, that's my story for now. I'll post more soon.

XO

PS Aaron thanks for your comment. I apologize if I'm stupid and I know you - but do I? I noticed you said you live in the Boston area so I'm confused now. Send me an email!! And Jon thanks for the dirty joke, I laughed, lots :) And no, I don't think you're a giant perv!

The Land of Limbo

Well I'm not as miserable as I was yesterday. I guess it just takes time to start to feel better. I've still broken down and started crying a few times today though - so the tears are still kicking around. I hate waiting and I hate the unknown. It's true what people say, it's much easier during chemo because you have an exact timeline and plan of attack, and of course a deadline for it to be over! It's when you enter the land of limbo that it gets more complicated.

I went and got a facial today to cheer myself up and try to relax. It only sorta worked for the relaxation. I tried to schedule a 30 minute massage after the facial but she was already booked up - so I'll just have to go back soon. She gave me a 10% off coupon for my next massage appointment. I stick to having the owner do my facials and massages because she understands I'm there to relax and not talk about everything going on in my cancer life -- unlike this other woman there who I used to go to, but she also had the hodge and thinks I like to talk about it all the time, which I don't, especially when she says that she's glad she got cancer, are you retarded? Cancer sucks! So anywho, at least I didn't have to deal with crazy pants and start crying for the billionth time this week. And now my face is pretty smooth and glamorous. My hair was pretty greasy though from the mini scalp massage, so I just re-showered today and that made me feel a little better as well.

I talked to Lynda and Julia and they convinced me to go on the work outing tomorrow. They're doing some sort of river cruise and then hanging out at a beach and having lunch. I was on the fence about going since I know I'll have to answer a lot of questions like "when are you going back to work" and "Aren't you all better now" -- which I just don't have answers to. But they promised to help block me from getting asked cancer stuff a billion times, so cross your fingers that I don't start crying there!

Anywho, thanks everyone for the comments and the support. I guess I just need to keep busy so call me, let's plan something, entertain me, tell me jokes, braid my hair- whatever!

XO

Things That Don't Make Me Feel Better Lately

• Retail therapy - I tried it yesterday and it worked a little but when I tried again tonight I just wanted to burst out in tears at the mall. I thought maybe I could buy myself something cute to make myself feel better - and maybe look better, but guess what? Nothing fit or they didn't have it in my size! I hate it, I just wanted to go start throwing up and never eat again :(
• Eating junk food - it just reminds me that my clothes don't fit and then I feel like crap.
• Napping - it only passes time, but then I wake up and I'm still cranky and then feel like I need to do something, but I have nothing to do.
• Talking to people - it just makes me cry and feel like I'm supposed to be in a good mood since I'm always pretty tough, but I'm just a mess lately. It's tough when people don't get it, and then I have to explain stuff again and again. And it just makes me more depressed when I have to tell them that there is another spot and that there isn't anything we can do yet - just do more waiting! I hate waiting. I hate not having answers or master plans or being organized!

If anyone has any better suggestions please let me know.

XO

Another Big Fuck You To Cancer

Well I just got back from the oncologist - and the spot is still there and there's now another little spot as well. So the options are again the same - wait and do another scan in 6 weeks, radiate it even though we don't know what it is, try and biopsy even though most likely they won't be able to get the exact spot since it didn't highlight on the CT. So yes, I'm back in limbo and feeling crappy again. I feel like my life has been put back on hold and I just hate it and don't know what to do! I'm sick of my friends not understanding that just because I'm done with chemo that it doesn't mean that I'm still fighting cancer and that I'm still not sure if it's gone! I'm sick of explaining it everyone and getting blank stares and then they forget and ask me again! I'm sick of answering questions for everyone about when I'm going back to work (not you Karen) but everyone else around me. I feel like everyone thinks I'm just being lazy and of course, I'm not! I'm just in friggin' limbo and it sucks! I hate having to explain to everyone that I'm not instantly all better - that I'm still tired, have no strength etc.

As for my decision, they're thinking we should wait another 6 weeks and see what happens. If I have to radiate it, there's a chance of breast cancer down the road. Damnit, I just wish I never got cancer!!! I feel like my life is over and will never be the same again.

I've got another appointment at Dana Farber in a few weeks to discuss my PET results and next steps, so I hope he has something else to say.

Sorry for the rant, it's just not a good day for me.

XO

Nintendo Wii Is AMAZING!!!

Ahhhh today was so nice out, it felt like fall!!!! I slept awesome last night and am going to sleep awesome again tonight (since it's 4am, whoops!). Why am I up so late you ask? Well I went to Mandy's apartment this afternoon and we played some tennis, went out to dinner, and then watched the Black Dahlia - then I decided I didn't feel like sleeping over anymore and left. Anywho, I got home at like 1am, and my next door neighbor Mark happened to be out in the hallway with his cats (yes he lets them roam the halls!), and I convinced him to let me play Nintendo Wii because I never have. It's AWESOME! We bowled for a while, played tennis, and then baseball. I think bowling is the best. I might need to save my money and get one. So yeah we played until 3am and then he was like yeah I need to go to bed, so here I am, checking my email and posting updates, but still wide awake! But I'm going to go to bed soon.

As for the cancer/itchy update: I had my PET scan on Friday and also got to go see another dermatologist that was MUCH more helpful! I won't know results of my PET until Monday, so fingers are crossed tightly for some solid answers. I also got to see my PET scan pal and made him think happy thoughts about my PET, if it's bad we're soo going to break up! As for my itchies, they decided that I somehow got poison ivy, and they're calling it "contact dermatitis" so I got another steroid and some better tips for getting rid of the itchies, so hopefully it'll go away soon. The doctors were so much nicer and more helpful, they actually took time to look at my crazy skin and made sure all of my questions were answered. Oh and the funniest thing was I was talking to the Resident doc about how much I sweat since chemo, and she was said "You know, we could Botox it if you can narrow it down to a specific area," I was like, "Ummm I don't think you can do my entire ass!!!" She just started laughing and said "Well we can be creative" ha ha, I'm all set for now, but it was hillarious!

So yeah that's all I got for now. I'm going to hit to hay and sleep wonderful now that's it's nice and chilly outside!!!! YAY!!!!

I'll post more on Monday, cross your fingers and think happy thoughts.

Oh and PS Vicky, I got your voicemails (YAY!) and my dad also left me a message saying you called, I was out playing tennis when you called, but I'll try you tomorrow or Monday (depending on my day) let me know if there is a time that is best to call you.

XO

Bahhhhh!

One thing I have to vent about... so a few people have IM'd me today (I'm hardly on IM, for a reason) and I hadn't talked to them in a while, and they both knew I had cancer and asked me if I had any new men in my life. Yeah, in between chemo treatments, I went to the bar, picked up some dudes, brought 'em back to my apartment, had my way with them - of course not letting them touch my hair because it would all fall out! I dunno, maybe it's me, but I was kinda offended that they asked me, like I don't have enough stuff to feel crappy about, now I'm reminded I'm also single! Whatevs!

Anywho, just an update that tomorrow is my PET scan and Monday at 9am is my oncologist appointment. I also stalked the dermatology department because I have more itchy spots on my body and they're driving me nuts, so I'm not sure if my rash is spreading, if it's eczema or what, so I'm going tomorrow afternoon! Which means I'll be getting my PET, then going to my apartment to eat and then soon enough I'll be heading back to go to the doctors to see a dermatologist. I hope they give me something good - I really want some kind of pill so I can kill all of the skin germies, because this whole topical cream BS doesn't seem to do the trick, plus if new spots pop up, I don't what to use! Also, I'm not sure if I mentioned this before, but it's a possibility that I'm allergic to alcohol or beer, and maybe pineapple juice (yum!). When I had a week of waiting to see a dermatologist I did some thinking and some googling and saw that eczema can come out with alcohol -- and since the spots popped up about the same time I had my first post chemo drinks, it got me thinking. Then I was talking to my mom about how much I like pineapple juice since chemo, and she mentioned maybe that could be the cause as well - so some more googling suggested it could also be a problem! So I'm not allowed to have either fun drink, at least until my skin clears up and then I can introduce them separately. AWESOME!

So anyways, I don't have much else going on with me. I'm at my parents house and leaving in a little while to head back to my apartment for the weekend. If you want to hang out and braid hair, lemme know!

Oh and PS, a reporter I know sent an invite to join Facebook, so I'm trying to figure it out, but if you have it, feel free to find me and we can be facebook friends.

Oh and by the by, my new favorite thing is to go thru people's Flickr accounts and steal pictures, like this lamb bonanza!

Think happy, itch and cancer free thoughts tomorrow and on Monday!

XO

Pickle Fingers Are Crossed - PET On Friday

I'm starting early this round, asking for happy thoughts as I have my PET scan scheduled for this Friday. It will be one month since my bad news about my chest spot, so let's cross those fingers and hope for good news! I'm pretty sure my appointment is on Monday to find out my results and I'll be sure to post an update as soon as I know. Oh and I'll be sure to not go by myself this time!! I'm pretty sure my parents are coming, but if you want to come and tell me jokes, lemme know.

XO

PS I wonder if my hands and legs light up on the PET since they're all yucky!

Skin Update!

So here's the latest update on my itchy skin - it's still itchy! I went to the dermatologist this morning, thank goodness! I felt a little rushed when I actually met with the fellow (?) or whatever he was - it was like the pre-doc, doc, so whatever the term is for that. But I was trying to give him all of my history (since cancer takes time to explain!) and he would keep rushing me, so of course I forgot to show him two itchy spots on me :( But here's the deal: I have Dyshidrotic Eczema on my hands and wrist where I had a vein scar - THEN I have like a skin yeast kind of infection (not the girly type!) on my leg! Gross! First they thought I had ring worm (more gross!) but decided it was just yeast build up. I didn't really get a clean explanation about what's going on with my elbows, since at first Fellow dude said it didn't look like eczema, but to me it feels the same, so whatevs! They gave me 2 prescriptions 1 for eczema and 1 for yeast. The eczema one is a foam so it absorbs into your skin better --- thank god because the ointment I had was really gross and greasy! So yeah this foam seems better, but it was super expensive $45 for some damn hand foam, so this crap better work! Then I got something else for the skin infection! Honestly I'm going to blame about 95% of this on cancer/chemo and the ridiculous amount of sweating that happens since chemo! Oh and PS the fellow dude totally didn't believe it could be cancer related, and when the official dermatologist guy came in he was like, "hmmm weird, since you don't have a history of eczema I'm thinking it's because of chemo," so suck it!

Also the other fun part about the hand foam - no pharmacies seem to carry it! So I spent like 30 minutes waiting for the 2 scripts to be filled at Target, only to find out that they didn't have the foam and I had to drive to a CVS a town away and wait another 20 minutes for it to get filled. Needless to say, I left here at 10am and just got home at 4pm! YUCK!

So they said the yucky hands will take about 3 weeks to get better :( So yeah that's my skin story! Blah! I was supposed to go home to my parents house today, but I'm not sure if I should go tonight or tomorrow am. It's already 5pm and now it's super traffic time, so I dunno. Ugh.

Oh and I had a lot of trouble posting the video on the post below, so if you didn't get to click the link to see all of Morgan's videos please click here to check them out - warning there are 22, so you need about 30-40 minutes of free time!

XO

Watch This - It's Hillllarious!

Okay I was watching a new show on Lifetime called Side Order of Life, and one of the characters flips out in a restaurant and is yelling at her friend and everyone stops eating and looks at her, she then says "I have cancer" and it's all okay. So anyways, being the ADD individual that I am, I searched for it on You Tube to share with everyone (I never found it!) - but I instead found this guy named Morgan's video blog (aka vlog) on having the hodge. It's pretty amusing, most clips are under 2 minutes, and I was laughing the whole time I was watching it, so I think you all should check it out -- especially if you're looking to pass some time or need to laugh about cancer! So far I have now found two Morgan's online that seem to be the funniest cancer patients eva! Check out his vlog at http://www.morganphillips.com/cancer.html!

I'm Still Itchy!

Not too much going on this weekend so far. Last night I went over to Julia's apartment for some pizza, TV and fun - it was a good time. I brought them over some wine that someone left at my apartment in January (I'm not a big wine drinker) and then we decided to go get some beer around 10ish. I ended up sleeping over because I had 2 beers and was a little buzzed, yep, I'm a cheap date! But I was up by 8am this morning and decided to leave around 9 while Julia was still sleeping, did a bunch of errands before 1pm which is sooo rare for me! I showered and then took a nice nap on the couch.

Yesterday Julia also told me that she has the same eczema that they think I have (I'll find out more on Monday) and she gave me a bunch of tips which was great! I had no clue that you weren't supposed to keep using the steroid cream all day, she told me that it actually didn't work at all for her and said that she typically uses creams to moisturize the bumps which apparently helps calm it down, also she suggested Vaseline for night time - I tried both, bought some Eucerin Calming Cream and an anti itch cream as well -- it seems to be helping a little, but I'm also noticing some crazy itch spots on my legs, so I'm really looking forward to going to the dermatologist on Monday! I'm hoping there's some quick fix, but it sounds like there isn't and it can last a really long time! UGH and GROSS!

Oh and no, I didn't really go to audition for The Biggest Loser, Veronica was right, I don't even weigh 214lbs and that's how much weight the winner lost! If they did pick me, I would probably get voted off pretty quick, so eh, screw it :) I really want to go to the gym tonight, but I'm so friggin' itchy that I'm thinking it's not the best idea. I'm totally blaming this skin crap on chemo!

Okay well that's about all that's going on right now. Sorry it's not so exciting, I'll post more soon!

XO

Biggest Loser Casting In Boston Tomorrow

What do you think, should I go audition? http://www.nbc.com/Casting/#bl5

Anyone want to come with me? I'm not sure if I'm fat enough to get on the show, but I have a good sappy story, and how awesome would it be to get personal trainers and stuff 24/7!

Now It's Eczema!

Just a quick update on the pickle fingers --- my onc called me yesterday afternoon saying she's pretty sure she knows what I have - Dyshidrotic Eczema! So the good news is, I'm still not contagious! Weird thing about this eczema is that dyshidrotic means "bad sweat" ha ha, and as we know, I'm such a sweater these days! My onc did some bitching and finally got me in to see a dermatologist on Monday - I can't wait to go because I feel like the itchies are spreading down my arm, sad lamb! I woke up in the middle of the night and put more steroid cream on me, fun times! So that's the newest pickle fingers story - I'll be sure to post more after my appt on Monday.

I'm so glad the weather is cooling off, yesterday the air was so nice and clean and dry, and I got to open the windows! Today it's raining a little, but it's still really nice and cool and I'm enjoying having the fresh air, hooray!

Last night I went out for pizza with Nicole and then some shopping, just what I needed - except when I looked in the mirror at the Gap with the terrible lighting! We also went to Sephora and had them put makeup on me - I looked very glamorous when I got home, but had nowhere to go! I think I'm going to go back sometime this week and buy some new fun makeup, afterall, I still have at least $50 of my gift card left :)

Okay, that's all I got for now! I'll post more when I have more!

XO

I'm The Best Softball Player EVA!

I'm the best softball player, eva! Okay maybe not. One thing I learned last night, is that my body and my mind aren't exactly matched up yet. So I was doing awesome, playing really good. I got up to bat, hit and started running to 1st base, and my body just stopped, and I fell - HARD! I think I might have blacked out when I was running, I'm not really sure. But it sucked, my legs are cut up and I have a big chunk missing in my hand - whoops! I still kept playing though, and did pretty good. I even caught up pop up without any effort :) I played again today, but it was waaaaay hotter, and my stomach was pretty cranky because of the heat, and with my leg all bandaged up and my hand with band aids that just weren't sticking, I definitely wasn't as good as yesterday. I decided to just go home after the game instead of going out for drinks with everyone, I was exhausted and sweaty!

So anyways, that's my story for now. My pickle fingers are still yucky. I'm going to try and see a skin specialist this week hopefully. Then I'll probably head home, maybe this weekend. I can only do so much here. I'm still pretty tired. But I was really impressed that I played the whole game yesterday and of course I was in pain the next day, but not as bad as I expected. It actually felt good to throw a ball -- I was nervous because I throw with my right hand, same as my bad shoulder, but surprisingly, it didn't hurt!

Oh and I finally got my long term disability checks!!!!!! I was so excited to deposit them! I'll be paying my parents a chunk of the money, gotta love cancer.

And on another note, I'm feeling really weird lately. It's so tough to get acclimated to being "normal" -- I'm not normal, and everyone else's lives kept going on while I was out of commission. I feel like I don't fit in with anyone these days, and even though I don't have a date set to go back to work, I'm really scared. I don't know anyone anymore, and I don't want to have to answer lots of questions, like hey you cut your hair short -- nope, it just fell out a bunch more :( But yeah, everyone my age has problems like fighting with their friends, not having enough money, wanted to be promoted, boyfriend/girlfriend stuff -- but me, I'm dealing with fighting for my life, getting poked every 2 weeks for 6 months, losing my hair, having scars that will last a lifetime, and just trying to rebuild my life -- it's definitely tough to relate to everyone. Anywho, that's just my little rant on being scared - I'm trying to work on it though.

Cross your fingers that the pickle fingers dry up soon!

XO

Kelly Pickle Fingers and Her Advertures in Dirty PETs

Hey everyone,I got back from the Lymphoma "dude" at Dana Farber this afternoon, and first of all, he didn't think I have shingles on my hands (even though they look really bad now! kinda like a pickle!) he thinks it's either "dermatitis" or poison ivy -- even though I haven't been near any, but since it's on my fingers and elbows, he thinks it's a bit strange. So I'm still taking my drugs, and he said I'm not contagious, so I'm going to try and play softball with work - let's hope they don't look at my pickle fingers!

Secondly, as for my "spot" on my PET scan, I mentioned thymic rebound, and he thought it was very possible to be thymic rebound, and honestly, he wasn't terribly concerned about the spot. He said to just do the waiting and get my PET scan at the end of August as scheduled, and then to come and see him with the results. He said the biopsy would be hard to do since it's tough to get thru my scar tissue, but if it lights up again, we should biopsy to know what we're dealing with.

So all in all, pretty positive. He said I have something like a 76% chance of being totally done with the hodge since I had no risk factors like being male (weird huh), stage 4, and one more thing I forgot. Anywho, that's my update!

XO

Remember My Slutty Back? Well Now It's Slutty Fingers, Hands And Elbows!

Yep, I've got shingles, AGAIN! On my fingers on my right hand, especially on my index and middle finger and also on my elbows. I'm so bummed, I really thought they were warts, or bug bites, or even a rash, and I was looking forward to my free massage that was scheduled for today at 2 - but I had to cancel it to make sure I didn't get the massage therapist infected. Sad lamb, no free massage!

I got my oncologist to squeeze me in because otherwise I would have to go to the ER and that's more expensive, and I would have to wait forever. So she squeezed me in and was a little shocked that the blisters were on the palm side of my fingers and that I had some on the other hand (on my knuckles) and my elbows, since usually shingles are a band of blisters. She tried to get some puss out of one of them to test it, but we're not sure if we got anything out. Plus you would think my immune systems would be much better since I'm done with chemo now! Ugh!

And don't worry, if you came to my party are are concerned if you caught it, you didn't unless you have a really bad immune system, never had chicken pox, or if you're preggers, so lemme know if you are secretly preggers or never had the pox -- but of course, no one held hands with me, so all should be fantastic.

XO

POST Chemopalooza

Chemopalooza was awesome and funtastic and so was the Duck Tour. I was a little disappointed that a bunch of people that RSVP'd YES, didn't show up or even call to let me know, but whatevs, a few people that I didn't invite because I didn't think they could get here totally came. It was a combo of people I've known since I was little, people I went to high school with, college people, and friends I've made over the past couple years.

So first of all, the night before Chemopalooza I went out for a few drinks with Pat and Janielle and a few of Pat's work pals - I totally got drunk off of 2 beers, ha ha! I didn't drive to the bar so whatever, then I went back to Pat's new place to sober up. We started watching the Departed, but I left in the middle of it since it was 4am! I got back to my apartment and decided to finish cleaning since that's what I was doing before I went out, so umm yeah, I stayed up until like 6am and had to be up for 11ish to get ready to go to the Duck Tour. So I only got a few hours sleep and was going ALL day yesterday, going to bed probably around 5am, whoops! But as you know, I'm a friggin champ!

I even got presents from a few people which is always awesome!! Greg came and brought me really nice flowers, Tim and Maggie brought me a little goodie bag of perfume - the kind I wear all the time and am actually running out of!, a nice candle, the DVD Mean Girls, fun chocolates, a pedicure kit (let's face it, I like nice toes!), a cute little travel bag and a funny card! YAY! And Lynda was very awesome and gave me a framed picture of the sunset from when she visited me on Block Island, yay! We're eventually going to replace it with one of me and her when she gets it printed :)

So yeah, the party was super fun, we all did a champagne toast "to Kelly Kane" it was very cute and I almost cried. I had a fridge full of beer, and pretty much still do, whoops! I also drank a lot, no clue where the tolerance came from, but I had a few beers (super light ones so I could keep up!) a few cherry cokes (black cherry vodka and coke), champagne, more beer, and then I don't remember :) But I'm impressed that Pat threw up several hours before I did, and he's a drinking machine and rarely throws up! I guess him, Derek and Marissa went to go find a store still open to go buy cigarettes, and Pat secretly threw up on her car and had to squeegee it off!! Everyone left probably around 3:30ish except for Marissa and Derek, and we were hanging out for a while, then me and Derek were walking towards my living room, I was like "hold on" and went in my kitchen and threw up in the sink real quick!! Then apparently I went up to Marissa and was like "Don't tell Derek, but I just threw up" and he was standing there the whole time!! Hilllarious!

Oh and of course, the wigs came out too, which is always awesome! Oh and my mom informed me this morning that yesterday was "Champagne Day" - you know how every day has some sort of "holiday", well apparently August 4th is champagne day!! Love it!

One of the best parts of the night was when a bunch of us were outside, and it was pretty late and the cops came because they got complaints of noise - yay, means it was a successful party! They told us to quiet down or go inside or something and my response was "This is my post chemopalooza party!" and they were just like "OKay" and left! Cancer card ha ha ha!

Oh and the duck tour was fun too! I bought me and Pat duck kazoos so we could quack at everyone - I was told that the duck tour driver makes you quack at people you go by and all this fun stuff, so I was looking forward to making an asshole out of myself, and Pat- BUT he totally didn't even mention quacking, and he was dressed in ridiculous Underdog pajamas, so you would think he would have been more fun! It was very informational though and the other Duck Tours that drove by us were quacking, so I'll still go again because most likely we'll get a better tour guide dude that will help me unleash the idiot in me!

Well I think that's pretty much it, if I think of more hilllariousness I will be sure to update ya. Oh and be sure to check out all of the pictures here

As for a Kelly update, I've still got those weird bumps all over my hands and now on my elbows, and what looks like some bug bites on my leg. It's really weird. I showed them to Meg and she wasn't really alarmed, which is good, but they're itchy and really annoying! I'm starting to think they're bug bites, but then all of a sudden they pop up without any bugs around. Hopefully my dog just needs a bath or something, but it's weird since more have popped up since I've been here, so I'm a little more confused! I'm going to Dana Farber on Tuesday so I'm going to show the doc them and see what he says. Please cross your fingers for some better insight from the doc!

Oh and I totally have my free massage tomorrow, I almost forgot!! HOORAY!

PS - About 50ish people have read my blog today (yes, I am big brother), and not 1 comment, what a scam! Bring back the comments people!

XO

The pictures are uploaded!!

Check em out here http://community.webshots.com/user/kellyk9999?vhost=community

Teaser

Hi everyone, I'm uploading my pictures now, but here's a little teaser to tide you over until I finish cleaning and umm start remembering everything...

One more teaser from last night:

Cop Outside: Hey we're getting complaints that you're being too loud, just take it inside."

Me: "THIS IS MY POST CHEMOPALOOZA PARTY!"

Cop: "Okay"

Ha ha, we're bffs :)

XO!

Chemopalooza Is TODAY!

Rock on!!
XO

Wax Me!

I only have a few minutes because I'm going out to wax my eyebrows (YAY!) and get a pedicure and then prep for chemopalooza.

Some more updates:

I got a message from Sun Life chick last night saying that I was finally approved for LTD but my first check is for 1 week and 1 month, even though it's been over 2 months! Ugh. I'm waiting to find out more details, so stay tuned.

Yesterday I woke up early and went to the gym, rode the bike for 20 minutes, did almost an hour of personal training for upper body stuff, then rode the bike again for another 20 minutes! Go MEEE! After I go to the gym, I treat myself to one of their smoothies, a pina colada one, it's yummy, and one of those protein shake thingys.

I've got these weird wart like things on my fingers, they're tiny and itchy, and keep spreading. They're annoying! I'm going to show them to Fisher and see what he thinks, oooo or maybe Tina when she's at chemopalooza! :)

Chemopalooza is tomorrow! So is the Duck Tour, me and Pat are the only ones going so far - you have to preorder tickets, so I just got two - but if you want to still go, you can call me and we can see if they're are any tickets left. I still gotta do some cleaning in my apartment to de-clutter it, and also go out and buy some stuff like beer and champagne, and some snack stuff.

I'll be sure to take lots of pictures too! I'm going to go shower now.

XO!

Mini Update

Howdy Chemopalooza readers!

I'm just posting a mini update:

• Last night I made myself go to the gym, I stayed for over an hour, rode the bike for 40 minutes and did about 14 miles on it. I also power walked for about 20 minutes. And the best part is, I didn't get my heart rate freakishly high again, I think I'm just going to have to avoid the elliptical for a little while :)


• My trip to the dentist was uneventful, finally a visit where I know it's okay if I don't bring anyone!!! I had no cavities, HOORAY!


• I ordered me and Pat's tickets for the Duck Tour for Saturday, so we are officially going!!


• I think I'm heading back to my apartment tomorrow to get organized for Chemopalooza part deux.


• I might make myself go to the gym again today, which would be super impressive!!


• And I think I'm going to try and wax my eyebrows this week, how exciting, it's time!!!


• Still no word from disability folks, I'm going to start calling again tomorrow if I don't hear anything.

That's all for now!!

XO