I'M CLEAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Get out the pink champagne!!! My scans are clean!!!! HOOOORAY!!!!!!!! I'm going out to celebrate tonight with Pat - hooray! I'll write more soon, XO

Think Happy Thoughts

Tomorrow is CT scan day. Please cross your fingers that I don't get that same woman from the last one (see I Hate CT Scans). I'm going to use my port for this one, but I'm still going to be a giant bitch and request someone else if I get the same woman - I hope I remember what she looks like.

Today I finally checked my mail at the front desk to get my Cancer Is My Bitch t-shirts! I tried it on and it fits, so hooray! I even got a few stickers, I think I'm going to put one on my car.

I just vacuumed my apartment and emptied the canister, and there was literally enough hair in it to make a wig! How gross! I can't wait for my hair to stop falling out. I thought I would clean a little since Pat is going to stay at my apartment this week before he moves to Hampton Beach next week. This was planned months ago, and I thought I would be here while he was staying here, but I'm way too antsy and lonely here to stay the week. I think I'm going to head back to my apartment after the scan, grab my stuff and probably head home. Back to relaxing before bed. Keep those fingers crossed for good news tomorrow and clean scans. If you pray, today would be the day to do so. And if I get good news, there will be pink champagne!

XO

Did You Know That Mister T Had Lymphoma?

So I was bored and playing on random lymphoma blogs and then decided to Google "famous lymphoma survivors" and surprisingly I got a pretty big list of folks! To start, Mister T - he totally pitties the lymphoma!

To name a few others:

• Paul Allen, co-founder of Microsoft, had Hodgkin's
• Jackie O, had non-Hodgkin's
• Barry Watson, dude from 7th Heaven/What About Brian, had Hodgkin's
• Fred Thompson, The DA from Law & Order, had non-Hodgkin's

Just thought I would share. I spent about 30 minutes looking online and then gave up, if you find any more please feel free to share.

XO

Remember, Drink Lots Of Fluids!

So I'm feeling a little better today - the coughing has mostly stopped, but I'm still a little loopy. I've kinda locked myself in my apartment so I can rest and get over my cold and hopefully feel better for a few days before I have chemo. I'm starting to get excited about the chemo countdown, after this Thursday I'll have 3 chemo's left...that's totally do-able!

I've got a ton of paperwork to fill out tonight. I'm currently on short term disability and I got something in the mail about applying for long term disability. I have to give them like 2 years of medical history! I thought it would just switch over to long term, but now lovely paperwork! I hate paperwork. I wish they would just call me and ask me questions or something - HELLO! I have cancer! I'm hoping I get my short term disability check on Monday - it's 2 weeks late. I'm hoping they didn't stop it for some reason and not tell me. I hate having to rely on the disability people to mail my checks to work and then work to mail them to me. I don't want to be a pain and keep checking on where my check is, but sheesh they take forever!!

I'm kinda antsy today. I hope there is good stuff on TV tonight. Tomorrow I'm going to go out and get out of the apartment. Hopefully I'll be feeling normal by then! I also have to clean my apartment - I have hair all over everything - it's pretty gross. I still think my hair is slowing down on falling out. I still get clumps, but they seem a little less. My underarm hair is growing faster and my brows are growing - so that's good news to me! I haven't noticed any stubble on my head yet - I figure I'll notice when it starts to grow since my part is so big. I guess usually it takes people a few months after chemo to have their hair start to grow - so I guess I might have to wait until July or August...fingers are crossed for sooner though.

Anywho, I'm going to get back to being lazy. Keep those fingers crossed for good news this week - I need all the luck I can get!!

XO

Let's Hope I'm Not Jinxing It

I'm still alive. I went to meet the radiologist yesterday and then had my Dr squeeze me in so I could get checked out. She gave me some antibiotics just in case, but they thought it was probably just a virus. I'm still coughing like it's my job, but I've been popping sudafed, antibiotics and advil pm - so hopefully I'll feel better by the end of the weekend.

On a brighter note - I went and got my PET scan today and had the guy give me a copy of the scan to bring with me to Dana Farber in a few weeks. So I was just sitting around my apartment and was like, hmmm I wonder if the disk will open on my computer - and sure enough, it did! It's kinda creepy to see my body as it's pictured in the PET, but the good news is that I didn't see anything lit up on the scans. Obviously, I'm no expert, but I couldn't see anything except for my organs!!!!! Hopefully I'll find out more on Monday- at the very least my Oncologist will look at it by then and hopefully give me some insight! My fingers are crossed super tight for good news, but hopefully the good things have already happened!!!

I'm off to go relax for a bit. Think happy thoughts until Monday - then check back for updates!!

XO

PS the picture I posted is not my scan, but it shows you what they typically look like.

Wow, I Feel Like Crap

So it's 4:19am and I'm wide awake and feeling like crap. I was feeling so-so earlier tonight, but now it's full fledged crap! :( I have a deep cough and my whole body hurts and my nose is dripping like crazy! I coughed up some yellowish/greenish stuff before I went to bed - I think that means there is an infection... hmmmph. I guess since I'm going to the hospital tomorrow to meet the radiologist, maybe I can see a Dr at the same time. Right now I'm propped up by a bunch of pillows on my couch, hoping that that deep cough will stop. Ugh and I'm sweating, clammy style. Only a few more hours until Dr time, maybe I can just take some more ativan and sleep it off. Just thought I would share. Fingers crossed for nothing super bad.

XO

There Were No Bald People Harmed During Tonight's Comedy Event

Hooray for nights of fun! I just got back from the SAMFund benefit at the Comedy Connection. I took Pat for his birthday bonanza and Mandy and Jeff met us. I made us sit in the front row - duh - I love to heckle! I even rocked my chemopalooza hat (Dad would be proud) because it was raining - what a waste on doing my hair today - but alas, the hat was a hit, Sam (the founder of the SAMFund - which doesn't actually stand for her name - Surviving and Moving Forward) even got a kick outta my hat. I'm kinda surprised none of the comedians said anything about it - but it was still a good time. I threw Pat under the bus a few times and he got made fun of - I love doing that :) One of the best lines from the night was "Daddy I want to be a truck driver and smoke cigarettes" Well Honey, the world always needs more truck drivers, so smoke lights!" I think the guy said it better, but it was funny nonetheless!

Pat and I are always looking for something to do on our next "Day of fun" and we decided we should rent a Duck Tour bus and have chemopalooza part deux. Any takers?

Also, who knew - no bald people at tonight's event! I was a lil surprised. I wish I could have helped get more people to go - I'd say the room was about half full - still good though. I even tried to pick up an Asian comedian for Pat - she didn't bite though :( Sad lamb!

So tomorrow it's off to see the radiologist to find out the fun dangers of radiation... too bad I already know I don't want it - the rest will be determined by this weeks PET and CT scan (fingers are crossed tightly!!!!!!)

Get Your Chemopalooza Hats!

How exciting!! My UK friends Chris and Vicky want to get hats like my chemopalooza.com hat that my dad made. How hilllarious! Chemopalooza will become famous all over the world - well or to 3 people :) Just wanted to share that people like Dad's idea!

I'm still feeling pretty good today. I was super hot here today though - like 85 - it was a bit much! I went shopping with my mom (got some more zippys and jeans!) and I was sweating my ass off. I threw on a nice cool headband and some shorts when I got home. I've got such a busy week ahead of me. And I think I figured out what to do for Pat's birthday - hooray!

XO

Dear Chemo - Suck It!

It's Sunday, I'm feeling pretty good. I napped most of the day, just because I thought it was a good idea, even though I felt pretty good. I just went out to dinner with mom and dad. I took a shower before we went out (wow, I know!) and surprisingly, I had more underarm hair than usual, HOORAY for no bleo. I also swear that I lost less hair during this shower - it could just be me being crazy, but I'm hoping not. I also switched to a 2-in-1 shampoo/conditioner - not my usual glamorous style, but it makes less hair fall out and I was getting dandruff, how weird.

I'm thinking that I'm going to feel pretty normal this week - it's just a hunch though. We'll know more on Tuesday I assume. I have to head back to my apartment next week - either on Wednesday or Thursday. I have a bunch of tests to get done and I'm going to meet with a radiologist to learn more about the potential damages of radiation specific to me. I'm also scheduled to get a CT scan and a PET scan. Lots of tests, lots of fasting! We called and asked the CT scan people if I can bring my own juice and they said yes, hooray. We're also going to use my port instead for the CT scan - they're just too damn stupid up there to get an IV in me right.

I think I'm going to plan a movie night with work peeps for next week. It's also Pat's birthday weekend, so I have to try and plan something funtastic. Lots to do, lots to do! I should be getting my Cancer Is My Bitch shirt soon as well and also I bet I'll be getting some headbands too! Yay!

Fingers crossed for a good week!! XO

My Dad Is Hillllarious

Yesterday I went to the Burlington Mall with my Dad - he had to hit up the Apple store, I decided to go buy some makeup while he was in there. I came back and there was one of those kiosks that embroider onto hats, shirts, etc right outside the store...come to find out, Dad bought me one that said CHEMOPALOOZA.com -- HILLARIOUS! I'll post a picture when I'm not lazy, but my Dad is funny. Hooray!

It's Official - Hold The Bleo And Watch My Brows GROW!

Hooray, I just finished chemo number 8! The most exciting part of chemo today (other than not crying!!) was that we are officially holding the bleo (B in the ABVD) because of the results from my breathing test! What does that mean you ask? Well so far it means my eyebrows are growing and that is super exciting for me!!! And maybe MAYBE my hair will start to grow too!! I guess the A in the ABVD is worse for hair loss, but still the B has something to do with hair loss, so hooray! Also, I had a faster recovery last time (see Chemo without the Bleo seems better) so I'm hoping to recover fast again. I do, however, have to get a neulasta shot tomorrow afternoon- it's my second one out of 8 treatments, not bad. I hope I don't have too much bone pain like I hear other people complain about, fingers are crossed.

So I still haven't blogged about the rest of my weekend of fun. I went to physical therapy on Monday and Tuesday which is good - my therapist is hillarious and kinda cute, so it helps the recovery process :) I also hung out with Mandy and did our usual fat kid eating bonanza and a little shopping - we went to the lovely Wal-Mart in Framingham so I could buy Thank You cards (cute ones too!) and I bought some fun lipstick for randomness... I love "stuff" like that...makeup, shampoo, body wash..I love it all.

I also went to work for lunch on Tuesday. It was lots of fun, I was like a celebrity there!! :) People that had started after me introduced themselves and said they had heard so much about me - it's really good to be missed by everyone. Lynda my cubemate was SOOO excited to see me... I miss her lots...I miss everyone though... especially my BFFi, he's hilllarious. Also I found out that the infamous wax lip picture is hanging on the bulletin board in the kitchen so everyone sees it everyday - HOORAY! And my actual employee picture on the board looks pretty good - I'm all glowy and shit. I guess it was a good makeup day! :) But yeah, it was awesome to go to work...I ended up staying about 5 hours - that's how long it took to catch up with everyone! We're going to schedule a movie night soon too - either in a week and a half or 3ish weeks from now...I gotta figure out my schedule. But actually now that I think about it - I'll be here a lot at the end of these 2 weeks because I have to get a PET and CT scan - my fingers are TIGHTLY crossed that the PET comes back negative, otherwise we have to have some more conversations about radiation and as you know, I don't want it if I can avoid it.

Also, another thank you to the lovely Karen. She read my blog and felt bad that I couldn't find any bandannas and ended up buying me a billion different head wraps!!!!!!!! That was super nice of you, you rock!! I'll take some pictures of me in them soon and post for funnies!! Also, I think I also mentioned this, but I'm still excited, my Auntie Doris is going to make me a ton of headbands/wraps with a bunch of cool fabric I bought. I can't wait!!

So fingers are crossed for a speedy-ish recovery this round, please cross yours as well. And thank you again everyone for thinking about me and of course for reading my blog. I love to check and see how many people are reading everyday :) Don't forget, leave me lots of comments, I get bored and check my email all the time and I need something to read!!!

XO

Chemo #8 - Cancer Is MY Bitch!

So tomorrow is chemo #8... I still owe a big blog post, but it's not going to happen tonight because I'm tired. I'll probably post something tomorrow when my dad is passed out after chemo, yeah, he usually falls alseep several hours before I do on chemo day. Pretty funny! :)

Today I ordered 2 Cancer Is My Bitch tshirts - one for me and one for my UK cancer fighting friend Chris. It should be funtastic to get it. I've been in good spirits these past few days - it's good to finally feel good. I really think it was keeping the bleo out this last round, I seemed to recover better than the usual. I would totally enjoy keeping the bleo out every other time, my fingers are crossed...of course I would just like to kick cancer's ass and I'll do what I gotta do to do so, but still, I would enjoy the bleo being left out. I was telling Mandy how my eyebrows recently started growing again - they hadn't grown in months- and she made a good point that maybe it's because they left out the bleo...interesting, eh? I'm going to ask tomorrow. I even got my bangs trimmed today - I haven't cut my hair since February - which for me is like a year!

I saw Auntie Doris today - she's going to make me headbands with all the fun fabric I bought. I'm sooo excited that someone else is going to help me because I'm sooo not crafty! She made me a test one and even added a little padding to it so it was soft on my sensitive head :) We also talked about how when I was little she used to babysit me and braid my hair - now if she did that she might get some clumps, ha ha!

Well I should head to bed, it's 11:00pm and I have to leave here by 6:45am and remember to pack everything like my pretzels (help with cranky stomach) and fruit and drinks etc. Gotta bring snacks because they don't have good food at the hospital - they have an Au Bon Pain, but I have a bad association with it and refuse to eat it, plus I swear it's just gross, but Dad likes it :)

I'll post more soon, I've been slacking! Keep the comments coming, I don't get enough email lately bitches!

XO

I'm Tired, But I Need To Share My Randomness

So I was thinking today on my drive back to my parents house (more updates to be posted later on my weekend - I'm too lazy) about my hair (like always) and I was thinking... hmm if I actually end up keeping the majority of it, when it grows back, will I have a mullet?? As you know, I've lost a lot at the top around my part - so I'm thinking how weird it will be to sport a mullet, I can't wait!!! I'll totally curl it up all hot and sexy like a trucker!

As Promised - The Nice Things Work Sent Me

Hi Everyone! I just went thru and wrote down everything that I got from the lovely people at work and wanted to share it with you - they really deserve some credit for sending me some cheer. It's kinda like a quick thank you note, ya know, before I write out the real ones! :)


Without further suspense...the list

• Syd - Hilllarious wax lip flavored lip gloss - I laughed SOO hard when I read the card!! It tastes yummy too!
• Jordan - Lots of yummy Easter candy!! A giant lollipop, pez and chocolate!
• Brandie - Rachel Ray Magazine - this should give me some great ideas for new snacks to make with my free time!
• Danielle - Ghiradelli chocolate - yumm!
• Nathaniel - A super cute card with a dog on it and chocolate flavored gummy bears - they don't look good, but they SOOO are!!
• Susan - Hillllarious candy cigarettes! Waaay better than the ones I found! See picture!! :)
• Jackie Hanley - More yummy Ghiradelli chocolate!
• Chrissy - English Tea Biscuits...they look delish!
• Julia - Giant lollipop and gift certificate to Hollywood Video - I'll save this for movie night
• Carla - Super cute card and a cheesy beach read - seriously this is just what I needed!! Thanks!
• Kerry - Delicious smelling coca body scrub and chocolate... I'm seriously taking a bath tonight to try it out! Cute hand made card too!
• Ellen - Tea... this will be great to help me relax, thank you!
• Ginger - sharing her own obsession, a cute mini purse from the Gap! :)
• Karen and Sarah - The Devil Wears Prada - yes you will be invited over to watch it!
• Jena - More chocolate :) Cadburry mini eggs
• Georgia Bouchard (Karen's daughter) - Playdoh with Dora The Explorer on the top - I laughed sooo hard, and who doesn't love Playdoh!
• Vinny Bouchard (Karen's son) - One of his favorite toy cars! How cute! :)
• Lynda (my cube neighbor!) - playing cards and trashy magazines!! You know me so well, I LOVE trashy reading!
• Stephanie - her favorite CD, Everything But The Girl - I'll have to add it to my iPod to have a listen during my next chemo!
• Peter, Jodi, Maria, Karen, George, Ellen, Dan, Ed - A $50 gift card to Old Navy! How perfect, as you might know, I need new pants these days!!
• Also Karen totally is the awesomest because I know she organized everything and provided the basket - and who else has their kids participate!! She's the coolest!!

A big giant THANK YOU to everyone for the nice thoughts and gifts. It really made my day to open the box yesterday and read everyone's thoughtful messages! I can't wait to come back and be normal again soon!

I Heart Bowling

I just got back from dinner and bowling with Pat. It was a funtastic time had by all. We ate too much yummy Olive Garden and then went bowling -and I was actually really good!! I won the first round, and lost the last two rounds, BUT I got a strike which is pretty cool! It was some good fat kid style exercise :)

I'm feeling good today. I've been going all day long. It's almost 2am and I still have lots of energy, but I'll probably make myself go to bed soon. I had a great relaxing massage today, just what I needed. I might try and go back in a month or so for another one. Oh and another exciting thing today...I got money back from my taxes!! Hooray! I love direct deposit from the government !!

Okay, sorry it's a short post tonight. I don't have too much else to write, but hooray for feeling good.

XO

I Love Presents!

Hoooray!! I just got to my apartment and I got a package from everyone at work!! It's filled with lots of random fun things for entertainment and LOTS of chocolate! I'm going to go thru and list everything later, but I just wanted to post on it while I was still giddy from laughing at everything! :)

(PS the package was sent to my parents house, but as I mentioned, my mail is screwed up -- I filed online last night to start getting it forwarded to my parents, so soon all should be well!)

I'm off to get my massage then hang out with Pat! XO

Ahhh Friday, The Begining Of "Normal"

I'm starting to feel "normal" today. It was the first day that I went out and did errands by myself. I usually don't even drive for at least a week after chemo, my mom will take me where I need to go :) But today I woke up, ate breakfast and decided to put some makeup on and get out of the house. I went and got my nails done (yeah I know, you're not supposed to with chemo, but oh well) and I went to the mall. As you know, I need new pants these days. It's been really frustrating with the weight gain and every time I go shopping I get really cranky because I don't find anything that fits me right. It's weird, I only gained about 10 pounds, and before the weight gain I was totally fine with the way I looked, but these 10 pounds have really gotten to me. Nothing seems to fit right. Surprisingly today wasn't that bad of a shopping experience. I actually went to go look at mens shirts, I need zippy shirts and my boobs are just too big for most trendy women's shirts. I ended up buying a new pair of jeans that fit me (which is so rare!), super cheap at Old Navy, and they're even the right length and I don't look like a fat ass in them! I also got a few t-shirts, a women's zip hoodie (GapBody - who woulda thought!) and another pair of pants that does need to get hemmed. But all in all I wasn't shattered by this shopping experience today and I got some clothes that make me feel like me again! Hooray!

I really can't wait until the end of chemo. I'm really going to commit to losing weight and going to the gym on a regular basis. It might take me some time to get back to my normal energy level, but hopefully I can fit in my old clothes soon and maybe drop a few more sizes. I just want to be healthy. I don't think I'll ever be one of those super skinny chicks that looks like they need to eat a slice of pizza - and I'm okay with that. I've got my grandma's genes and figure - she was a busty lady too! :) I was told I look a lot like her when she was younger - I've never seen pictures but I take it as a compliment.

I'm heading back to Burlington for the weekend. I was going to go tonight but decided I was too tired and will just head there in the morning. I've got a massage scheduled for 3:30 and I'm looking forward to the relaxation. I'm also supposed to hang out with Pat tomorrow night, hopefully it'll be a day of fun! We're due for one. He mentioned yesterday that he might go to a strip club last night and I told him he needed to stay home and rest for hanging out with me and that I would show him my port instead! Ha ha... he ended up not going anyways, not sure why, but I don't think he's waiting to see my port.... On Tuesday I'm supposed to go to work for lunch which should be good. They're going to order pizza and have everyone come. I figured it would be easier than making everyone go out and meet me. I need to remember to bring more candy cigarettes for my work BFFi he's been going thru withdrawls.

I'm also supposed to get a pulmonary function test next week. As I mentioned earlier, they held the B in the ABVD mix last week because I complained of shortness of breath and lung pain. I kinda hope they keep the B out of the mix, I seem to feel much better without it. I'm not going to be picky because I just want to cancer to be gone so I'll do whatever it takes, but still it was much better to have less aches this week - like a mini chemovacation.

I bet I have tons of mail waiting for me at my apartment. I really gotta get my mail situation figured out. When I moved I set up mail forwarding from my parents address to my apartment, and now I need to reverse it and get everything send to my parents house. Oh, how tricky. So if you need to mail me something, just mail it to my mom, or my dog or something at my parents address so it won't get forwarded :)

Okay, I'll write more soon. XO

A Funny Site

I just found gotcancer.org that sells funny cancer t-shirts, hats, and all that jazz. I was just looking around, and if I need to become a hat person I might end up getting one from the site - it's a toss up between "Chemo Was Here" or "This is what a cancer survivor looks like". There's also a funny sweatshirt I saw, "Stuff to do when you have cancer...#23 Pick up bald chicks during chemo" I was gonna post a picture, but you'll have to click because it wouldn't let me steal :)

Anyways, just thought I would share. I should probably update my blogroll list of sites to check out, stay tuned.

XO

Thanks Drew!

It's nice when you know people are reading your blog in such detail that they send a special toothpaste kit home with your dad for your painful teeth!! Thanks Drew for reading my blog and sending the toothpaste! I tried it tonight and my fingers are crossed for normal teeth soon! At the very least, the toothpaste is less minty than normal stuff, so my teeth aren't freezing when I brush :)

So incase you're new to reading my blog, and maybe you're newly diagnosed with Hodgkin's - go to the dentist before chemo!! Don't use whitening toothpaste like I did during the beginning of chemo, use some sensitive high fluoride stuff or you'll be like me, using straws to drink warm juice!

As for my normal Kelly updates, I'm feeling okay today. I woke up soaked in sweat last night, my bed, my t-shirt, hair, everything - what a pain. I'm getting smart with getting crappy sleep though, if I wake up in the middle of the night, I just take something. If I took ativan to go to sleep and that didn't work, then I'll take an Ambien, sleep is just too important to me! I'm a little muscle achy today, but no where near as bad as it's been before. It's gotta be the lack of bleo. I also took a shower tonight, even washed my sweaty hair. I'm hoping it'll help me sleep good.

I've been eating pretty good except for that chicken parm bonanza yesterday. Today I had baked chicken and green beans and rice. We got these green beans that are frozen but were fresh at one time (if that makes sense) and they're soooo good. I love green beans. I've also been eating a lot of fruit, at least 1 big serving a day. I had a good amount of watermelon today, it was good - a lil painful on the teeth, but good.

Oh yeah, I heard that tomorrow on ABC Nightline (PS their website sucks) at 11:30pm they're having a special on cancer, I believe it's on young adults or something. I have it set on my tv as a reminder tomorrow, hopefully I'll remember to watch it. Check it out if you remember too. I heard about it at the I'm Too Young For This event, I'm pretty sure they follow around folks from Dana Farber.

XO

Chemo Without The Bleo Seems Better

So it's Tuesday, usually the start of the severe body aches, but honestly, today isn't that bad. I'm thinking it's because we didn't do the bleo (B in the ABVD) this time because I said I had lung pain. Maybe I'll feel better faster because of the lack of the bleo, I'm pretty sure it's one of the drugs that gives the pains. I've still got a few muscle aches and I popped some ibuprofen just to take the edge off. I have been needing to ativan in the day time/ early morning to get some more sleep in, but hey whatever works I guess!

I got my pulmonary function test scheduled for next week - I forget, it's either Tuesday or Wednesday. I'm going to try and splurge and get a massage this weekend. I'm also apparently going to physical therapy next week, I'll have to schedule my Wednesday appointment. I'm thinking the massage might help "rejuvenate" me and make me relax and feel normalish sooner... that's my goal. I gotta call tomorrow. There's this nice Irish woman at the spa I used to go to, hopefully she is available. I miss pampering myself. I miss haircuts and new shampoos. I use the same gentle one all the time now just to be nice to my hair - once in a very great while I'll change it up, but it's rare. We know how much I love shampoo and things that smell good. I also miss getting facials, they're so relaxing and my skin always looked so good afterwards! But ugh, it's really just soooo relaxing! I need to hold off on stuff like that until I'm better, don't need people poking around my face when I'm susceptible of getting extra sickies. Sad lamb.

The thing about being bed-ridden half the time - you see sooooo many commercials! I really want to just go eat a ton of food and go blow dry my hair with some new crap on the ads. It makes me kinda cranky. I really notice the chicks on the hair commercials, and I look right at their part of their hair and know it's thicker than mine :( Those bitches! And the food thing, we'll I just feel like pigging out all of a sudden, but my stomach isn't so happy now. I went to lunch at Lido's with my mom today - I've been going there since I was little - they have really good chicken parm, and any place that serves chicken parm with salad, really fresh bread, pasta AND steak french fries, has got to be good - the french fries obviously make the meal! But I'm a dumby and I ate waaay too much and I'm still recovering. I was doing really good earlier with doing lots of small meal/snacks, but whoops I went overboard today. I just had green beans and bread and a little popcorn for dinner to try and salvage my gut :)

Hopefully I'll feel normal this weekend. I'm due for some serious fat kid bonanza style eating. And hopefully some days of fun!!

I'm outta stuff to write so XO

My Dog Has Something To Say

4 days since chemo. I'm feeling tired and sluggish. Not getting enough sleep these past days. I had to take ativan this afternoon to get a nap in. My gums are kinda funky feeling again too. I think it's part of the weird mouth taste, but I'm not really sure.

I got some bubbles for Easter from my mom and dad - they thought they dog might like to play with them :) Then, yesterday I went to my aunt and uncles for Easter - it was good to see everyone, but it totally sucked all my energy out. Another thing I need to vent about - people that come up to you and get all serious and sad and tell me everything is going to be okay -- I know this! Stop trying to make me feel bad or uncomfortable! Sheesh! I've done 7 chemo treatments and have 5 left. Thankfully that number is finally smaller than the number I've done!!!

I want to thank everyone for your bandanna suggestions. I'm looking into all of them. I had a really good hair day yesterday and it still looks pretty normal today - I just wish it would stop falling out. Sometimes me and my dad play a game - who's hair is thinner than mine -- we went to the Target down the street from my apartment and the pharmacist totally had thinner hair than me, you could see scalp... it's evil, but it makes me feel better!

A month or so ago, my mom's friend George brought over a stuffed animal for me - it's a mini version of my pup. My pup (Bailey) loves this stuffed animal so much that I made a deal with him, he can play with it only while he's in my room! :) Today he came and napped with me and his stuffed animal, it was cute. The best thing about my pup is that he sings a mean Happy Birthday... I've included a clip, it's from the summer, but he's just as good or even better now.

Kinda a random blog tonight, but you'll survive...and just remember Happy Birthday To Roo!

XO

Just Some Updates

So it's a few days after chemo... I'm feeling mostly okay, a little tired and I'm starting to get that weird taste in my mouth...where everything tastes weird. My stomach is a little cranky, the senna isn't working :( I was told not to take it on Thursday and I think that was a bad idea... But all in all, so far so good.

I'm heading to my aunt and uncles tomorrow for Easter. It should be a good time. I haven't seen some of them since Christmas. I'm only concerned that they won't have anything I'll like to eat. Fingers crossed that they do. I'll probably eat something before we go too - just to be on the safe side. My mom made a chocolate cake for desert though, should be yumstastic.

I still can't believe that email that went out. I hope everyone disregarded it... How terrible. Ugh.

What else... eh not much is going on with me. I bought some fabric on Friday to try and make headbands/bandannas. I haven't started to try yet though. Maybe later this week. I'm not so crafty. I haven't washed my hair since Wednesday. I'm so gross, ha ha. I've showered at least though, just used a shower cap. I'll wash it tomorrow for Easter, gotta pretend I look normal.

I think my eye lashes are starting to fall out. I've noticed a lot of stragglers since Thursday. Kinda weird they're falling out now, but I guess it's sorta normal. I hardly wear makeup nowadays...maybe once a week. My skin gets really red after chemo, I think from the decadron... I should probably wear makeup more often after chemo, but it's such a pain. I used to be a person that always wore makeup, now I never do. It's so weird.

Anywho, that's all I got for now. I think I'm going to take some drugs and go to bed soon. XO

Oh How Terrible

Someone hacked into my yahoo email address and sent an email to half of my address book saying I hate you all, Fuck you, I hate you all, I'm going to kill myself. If you got that email, please know that that's not true and I would never do something as tacky as that, nor do I hate you or want to kill myself. I think it's because I checked my email at the Apple store and maybe it didn't log out correctly, anyways -- sorry for the email.

XO

IV Needles Minus Numbing = Hurts Like A Bitch!!

Okay so last night I found some sites that sell bandannas and hat type things- I'm not sure if I'm going to order any thing yet, but I've bookmarked them. The site is kinda expensive for hats, but pretty normal priced for bandannas. I'm now thinking I'm just going to go to the fabric store and make big-ish headbands that cover my scalp and are comfortable - I'm not really good at tying stuff like bandannas. We'll just have to wait and see what I come up with.

Today was chemo day (#7) and my second time using the port. They gave me a prescription for Emla cream that is supposed to numb the area before they stick a needle in it... I'm not sure what happened, if I didn't put enough on or if I had it on too long, but the stuff didn't work and the needle hurt like a bitch! I now know what it feels like to be stabbed in the chest! I was, once again, in tears. Ugh it was awful. Next time I'm putting it on when I'm halfway to the doctors and I'm going to put sran wrap over it so it won't absorb into anything. Fingers crossed.

I also tried Reiki today. Not sure if I'm a fan or not. I guess we will wait and see if I feel any better. I also told them that I'm starting to feel lung pain and shortness of breath and they took out the Bleo today and I'm going to get another Pulmonary Function Test before next chemo. We're also in the process of scheduling my PET and CAT scans for after chemo #8 (April 19th). I'm really hoping for a clean scan. I don't want to end up being one of those difficult chemo patients that doesn't respond to treatment. So fingers will be crossed for those tests.

Hmmm... what else... not much else is new. I'm in fancytown for the night. I just ate a big dinner at Friendlys (yes, I eat like a child) and am thinking about having some ice cream soon.

Oh yeah about my teeth.... I called the dentist yesterday and he said to just use Prevident religiously at night time and take Tylenol a couple times a day - I use sensydine for the rest of the time but it's just not enough. Damn the chemo!

Okay that's all for now. XO

My New Mission

I'm on a mission to find bandannas! Where the hell are they hiding?! Okay so I went to the mall near my parents house tonight, I went to a ton of stores I wouldn't normally go to, like Hot Topic -- which actually had bandannas, BUT they had skulls on them, and I'm really not a huge fan. I then went to the all favorite and tacky Claires - and found a boring navy one. But where are the cute ones that don't look like bikers or murders wear them?! Any suggestions? My next thought was to take the one I bought and go to a fabric store and just get fabric cut to be the same size....I dunno, we'll see. Any ideas feel free to share!

XO

The Wednesday Before...

Ahh the Wednesday before chemo. I kinda hate this day because I feel the best, yet I'm dreading starting all over again tomorrow. Six more to go, it seems like forever until June 14th. I kinda haven't washed my hair since Saturday - my scalp is really hurting and a little itchy, I'm thinking it's a sign that more hair than usual is going to fall out. I'm going to wash it today though, I promise :) I'm still on a mission to find bandannas so I can look semi normal and not wash it for days :) It's so annoying now that I know I'm doing six months instead of 4, because 4 months will be up in a month, and I know I would have hair left then! Six months, I'm just not sure.

Those pictures I posted really kinda shocked me. I really didn't think my eyebrows looked any different until you compare the pictures...wow I really look like a cancer patient with those bare brows! Oh well, they'll grow back, hopefully twice as thick! Funny thing is, I waxed them about 2 months ago and they haven't grown back much, they just kept their shape. Guess cancer is good for something - it keeps those unwanted eyebrow hairs away! ha ha

My teeth have been driving me nuts lately. They're super sensitive it's insane. I need to drink room temperature water, and even then it's usually still too cold. I tried to eat some cut up fruit last night and yikes that killed my teeth. I really wish I got a chance to go to the dentist before I started chemo. I'm going to call them today though and see if they can pass along any tips - hopefully they have some wonder treatment or toothpaste or something!

I'm really enjoying all of the comments I've been getting lately. Keep it up, it gives me something to do and usually makes me laugh or at least smile. I'll try to post more later today or tomorrow after chemo.

XO

Some pictures

So I finally some pictures of me with my shorter hair and to show how it's thinning, you can mostly tell by my part. Now, for most people, they would probably be bald by the amount of hair I've lost, so just remember I had TONS of hair before cancer, my hairdresser used to have to use 3 times the normal amount of hair color for me... good times... check out my eyebrows too -they've gotten really thin. I just checked old pictures and my eyebrows were definitely thicker and darker before all this....fuckers! The two pictures are now and the third is from pre-chemopalooza so you can see the difference.

How Exciting!

How exciting!! I was just checking my comments and someone said they had found my blog on the I'm Too Young For This site - different than the event, it's an organization with the same idea. They have a list of young adult cancer survivors blogs and Chemopalooza is listed!!! How exciting. So if you're reading my blog from that site check out My Story for some background on how everything started. I love people reading about what's going on with me and my battle to kick Hodgkin's ass! If you have any questions please don't hesitate to contact me or point me towards your blog!

XO

I'm Too Young For This...seriously

So yesterday was the big I'm Too Young For This event put on by the Wellness Community. I guess there were about 70 people in attendance, but it wasn't what I expected. It was definitely good to meet other people that had gone thru some similar things that I did but I felt like I didn't get the opportunity to meet everyone and wish I did. I also wish I got to find out what everyone had/has for cancer so I could find people with the same cancer as me. It's not like you could just go up to everyone and say "Hey what cancer do you have" even though I did do that to a few people. It was more of an "educational" event and I was really waiting for the social aspect of it, I just felt like there wasn't enough time. I also kinda wish I brought someone with me to it. I'd say about half of the people brought someone with them. Now I know for next year, bring a friend :)

Another thing the event made me realize is how much my hospital (New England Medical Center) is lacking in resources compared to Mass General and Dana Farber. For instance, MGH offers massages and acupuncture in the infusion center while people are getting chemo. I learned that acupuncture can help your body recover faster from chemo - so instead of feeling like crap for a week it can cut down to a few days! I would try anything to feel better sooner! I mean I used to feel better by Thursday, then it was Friday and now it's Saturday or sometimes not until Wednesday before chemo! Another thing that both places offer is support groups - which is huge - they even include a young adults group. I kinda feel like I was told I had cancer and then was just supposed to mostly deal with it on my own. I mean I think I'm getting really good care at NEMC, don't get me wrong, but they just don't offer the extras.

Another thing I realized -- I really don't want to get radiation. I met a guy that had a brain tumor 15 years ago and got radiation to shrink/get rid of the tumor. Because he got the radiation he ended up with tongue cancer and had to have 8 surgeries! When I met Dr. Fisher at Dana Farber (he's supposedly like the "lymphoma guy") he told me he would prefer that I didn't get radiation because it can cause breast cancer and lung cancer later on in patients... me and my dad were shocked! I said I don't want to get cancer now and then get it again later on - if I'm going to lose my hair I'm only doing it once! So I believe that since I'm now doing chemo for 6 months (instead of 4) that the plan is to avoid radiation and I'm okay with that. I think I'm going to make another appointment with Fisher soon as a follow up. I only met him once as a second opinion. I was also feeling like crap when I met him as it was right after my first chemo and I didn't know how constipated you get - or even what being constipated feels like, until that day - yikes.

So I'm going to look into trying out acupuncture and possibly also working with folks from the wellness community to try and get young people more involved there. It's like this big cycle, they said they have temporarily stopped offering the young adults support group because no one would go, and yet a bunch of young adults said they want to go to support groups and can't find them....but yet people don't go to their meetings.... doesn't make sense!

On another note, my hair is hurting a lot lately. It's driving me nuts. I was just feeling good about it the other day and thinking it might last, and then it started hurting like crazy. I did, however, get asked yesterday if I was wearing a wig which was nice. My part of my hair is getting really thin. I need to find a hat or bandanna or something to wear often so I can stop washing my hair and touching it in general. It's getting warmer and sunnier out lately, and I don't want to have to put sunblock on my part! It's so depressing. I don't feel like I look like me at all lately. It's getting really depressing with the whole weight gain thing. Nothing fits me. Today I was at Target and I actually bought a big mens t-shirt because I knew it would fit me comfortably, so depressing. Hmmmph. If anyone has any suggestions on places for me to buy cool bandannas (especially comfy ones) or hats (but I look terrible in 99% of them) please let me know -- I'm thinking about just going to a fabric store and kinda making bandannas.... I think that would work...we will see.

I'm at my apartment this weekend. I'm heading back to my parents house in a few hours. I love my apartment, I really do, but I kinda hate being here lately. It's really depressing and makes me think of only being sick. The air is also really dry in here and I can never do enough to make it comfortable - I have a humidifier, but it's like I need 10 running at once. It's just weird to be here. I miss being normal and going to work and going out and doing karaoke with everyone. I really hope that I'm done with cancer this summer and done for good!
XO